


The King of Prospit

by SlaveToMyKeyboard



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Collegestuck, Eridan and Nepeta date like once, Fratstuck, Humanstuck, Mentions of homophobia, Mild Sexual Content, More like implied or refrenced, Multi, Sexuality Confusion, Sororitystuck, but they look like humans, like half human half troll, sort of, they still have their blood colours
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5815897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlaveToMyKeyboard/pseuds/SlaveToMyKeyboard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are currently sitting on your neighbour’s sofa, music pounding through your whole body as people around you shout and laugh, getting more of their drinks on the floor than actually in their mouths. Normally, this would be one of the worst situations you could ever imagine yourself to be in, but when the King of Prospit is straddling your hips, it turns out that it’s not so bad. You can feel him smiling against your mouth, and he hums to himself as you bury your fingers in the back of his hair.</p><p>Then he moves to your neck, pecking a trail of kisses up to your ear where he whispers “Wanna take this upstairs?”</p><p>Naturally, you panic at this proposition. So before you answer his question, let’s go back and find out how you got into this mess in the first place.</p><p>((A bit of collegestuck EriKar for your day. Tags will be updated with or just before the posting of new chapters. Rated T for swearing, mildly sexual themes, and indirect mentions of xeno))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Skaia

**Author's Note:**

> I moved this from my other Pseud to my main account, cause it's not just EriKar anymore haha.

You are currently sitting on your neighbour’s sofa, music pounding through your whole body as people around you shout and laugh, getting more of their drinks on the floor than actually in their mouths. Normally, this would be one of the worst situations you could ever imagine yourself to be in, but when the King of Prospit is straddling your hips, it turns out that it’s not so bad. You can feel him smiling against your mouth, and he hums to himself as you bury your fingers in the back of his hair.

Then he moves to your neck, pecking a trail of kisses up to your ear where he whispers “Wanna take this upstairs?”

Naturally, you panic at this proposition. So before you answer his question, let’s go back and find out how you got into this mess in the first place.

***

It is now two months ago, on a brisk September morning at a time way too early for your liking, and you have just been dropped off at your new student accommodation.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you are regretting this already.

In an effort to avoid this situation, you attempt to be the young woman talking to her friend nearby. Your character transition is successful, however it does nothing to change what is going to happen.

***

You are now Kanaya Maryam, awaiting the arrival of your dorm’s new resident. You are passing the time by talking to your girlfriend Rose, and it is in the middle of a discussion about what this new student may be like, that she alerts you to a young man with lots of bags now standing on the pavement outside of the co-ed dormitory house that both of you live in. He says something to the driver of the car that dropped him off, giving them a rather sour glare before bending down by the window and letting them ruffle his hair. You assume that this man is his father, however you will reserve judgement until you are well acquainted enough to ask him about his family. For now, you must quell your curiosity and welcome him into your fold with open arms.

You give Rose a kiss goodbye and make your way towards him, pleased to find that he has already registered your presence, although his expression does not bode well for your attempts at becoming friends.

“Eridan Ampora I presume?” You say with a smile, extending your hand out to him.

“Yes,” He replies, eyeing your hand for a moment before grasping it, “are you Kanaya Maryam?”

“Indeed I am, I’ll show you to your room and then I can give you a proper tour, would you like some help with your bags?”

“No thanks, I can manage.”

With his backpack already over one shoulder, he stuffs a large bag under the other arm and then uses his spare hand to grab the handle of his suitcase. Wow, and people thought _you_ had brought a lot of stuff when you first moved in. He gives you a nod once he’s ready, following you silently up the path and into the dorm.

“This is the foyer,” You tell him, stopping for a moment as he lifts his suitcase over the doorway, “there is a payphone here that you can use, and these boxes over here are where any mail you receive will be stored for access at your first convenience. I have already taken the liberty of acquiring the key for your personal box and I advise that you attach it to your room key, which I will also provide you with in just a moment.”

His reply to all of this information is a few nods, with this trend continuing as you show him the kitchen and living room on your way upstairs. As if it wasn’t difficult enough that he remains mostly silent, his expression also fails to change to anything other than mildly bored with a hint of dread. You hope that this is just because of jetlag – he did fly over from London just yesterday after all – and that he does not disapprove of the accommodation, which you happen to think is some of the best in the area. At least Kankri does not appear to be home; he would have no trouble driving Eridan away with his incessant talking and rather blunt manner of speech. You’re also glad that Aranea is out, as she would most likely give him a similar treatment.

“This is your room,” You take out the key and unlock the door, holding it open for him whilst be brings his bags inside, “usually you would be sharing with someone, but we thought that you might like some privacy so we gave you our last empty room.”

“Thanks.” He says, casting his eyes around the room.

“Your bathroom is through there and you have a mini fridge,” You gesture to both of these things, and he just nods, “So, would you like a tour now or after supper?”

“Now is fine.”

You hand him both his room key and the one to his mail box, letting him lock the door before heading back downstairs. He still doesn’t have much to say as you lead him around the ground floor, apart from the odd, hopefully positive hum as you move between the computer room and the study, finally ending up in the library. He takes a few steps ahead of you, eyes wide as he surveys the bookshelves that line every wall.

“These are all for us?” He asks without looking back.

“Yes, we are very proud of our collection,” You find yourself grinning as you follow his gaze, “and if there’s anything we don’t have, you can always apply for it to be brought in.”

He nods again, but this time it is accompanied by a slight smile as runs his hand across the spines of the nearest books. At last, something you can talk to him about, and it’s also one of your interests to boot.

You perch yourself on a table behind him, “Do you like reading?”

“Yeah,” He replies, picking up a tome from the historical non-fiction section, “my dad has loads of books back home, an’ my brother was never into readin’ all that much so I’d just go read in the study whenever I wanted to avoid him.”

It’s only now that you pick up on his accent, feeling a strange nostalgia at hearing someone else from your country when you’re half way across the world. You also notice that he mentioned a brother, which is a strange coincidence considering you know another Ampora who lives next door.

“Your brother wouldn’t happen to be Cronus Ampora would he?”

He frowns, “Yeah, sorry if you’ve ever had the misfortune a meeting him.”

Ah, yet another thing you can agree on. It’s not that you have a personal issue with Cronus, but during the time that he was dating your sister, you got the impression that you wouldn’t get along with him if you were ever to speak one on one. You were rather glad when she convinced him that they should go their separate ways.

“Not directly, no,” you say with a small chuckle, “however he was going out with my sister for the grand total of one week before she ‘let him go’ so to speak.”

Eridan scoffs, “Doesn’t surprise me.”

You continue walking around with him as he peruses the books, talking about your respective friends and family. You find out that spent some of his childhood living on a boat, which explains his fascination with nautical history, and that he is in fact studying history because of the time he spent reading his father’s collection of literature. Inevitably, discussion falls to your respective hometowns, with his lying in the south of England whilst yours is further north. You count yourself lucky to have found so many common points with him, as you fear that otherwise it would have been difficult to help him settle in, which is something you always worry about as the deputy representative for Skaia.

He gives you a questioning look when you tell him of your position, “Skaia?”

“It is the name of our dorm house,” you elaborate, “Prospit and Derse are on either side of us as the Sorority and Fraternity.”

“So where does that girl you were talkin’ to live?”

“Rose lives here with us, or with me more specifically,” You hesitate for a moment, then decide that it would be better to give him the full picture, “she’s my girlfriend.”

“Oh, right.”

You can’t help feeling put out by his short answer, or the way he avoids meeting your eyes as you glance back at him, “That’s not a problem is it?”

“No, no, a course not,” He replies quickly, “Cro is bi so I’m used to it, n-not that there’s anything wrong with, uh, _that_.” he trails off, his face doing its best impression of an aubergine as he hides it behind his scarf.

You feel a little mean for being amused by his embarrassment, especially after you called him out on something that could have quite easily been left alone. Oh well, what use is welcoming a new dorm-mate if you can’t tease them a little along the way? It helps judge character, you think, and as of now you would give Eridan a pass. Not a great one, but a pass none the less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That feeling when you have two other stories to write new chapters for - which are already excuses for you not to do uni work - but you just can't ignore the new idea that's been screaming at you all week. That feeling is me, right now.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the result of my procrastination ~
> 
> P.S. An aubergine is the British English name for an eggplant.


	2. Jack could have totally fit on that board

You flop back on your bed after an exhausting day of travelling, dealing with paper work, and getting your room in order, surprised to find that the mattress doesn’t break your back as you expected. You have now returned to being Eridan Ampora, and it’s not even 6pm yet but you’re already yawning every five minutes from fucking jetlag. Seriously, why did your dad think it was a good idea to ship you off _one day_ before your classes start? At least you haven’t got anything to do until you’re called for dinner, which you guess should be in an hour or so? You kind of forgot to ask Kanaya about that. She may have seemed a bit stuck up at first, but you’re glad you’ve got a friendly face for when you start your classes. Although you’re not sure if you’ll see her that much considering she’s studying fashion design.

You close your eyes and try to relax, hoping that you can catch a few winks before anyone disturbs you. Then just as you’re beginning to drop off for a nap, there’s a knock at your door. Of course, can’t let the new kid have a single lick of peace. You stretch and get up to answer it, finding a short young man standing on the other side. He may be wearing a bright red turtleneck sweater that’s so oversized it makes him look about thirteen, but he’s also holding a clipboard and has impossibly perfect posture. Shit, this guy means business.

“Good evening mister Ampora, my name is Kankri Vantas and I am the Head Representative of Skaia House, it is a pleasure to meet you and I hope that you are settling in well.” He smiles and holds out his hand.

You slowly reach out and take it, “Thanks and yeah, I’ve been alright so far.”

Jeez this guy’s grip is limper then a dead fish. A very warm and soft fish. Not that you’re thinking about what moisturiser he uses to get his skin so smooth or anything.

“That is excellent news. Now, I normally expect everyone to turn up for the evening meal of their own accord, however since this is your first night here I thought I would come and collect you myself. Please, this way.” He turns and heads down the hallway, not looking back to check that you’re following before continuing, “For future reference, dinner, or supper as some people call it, is always at 6pm sharp and will be served in the dining room by whoever is on the roster for kitchen duty that night. I do not expect you to sign up immediately, but if you have any experience with cooking a decent meal then I’m sure everyone would appreciate a night off.”

Fucking hell, how can so many words come out of such a small person? He doesn’t stop there either, going on and on and _on_ about proper behaviour in the dorms, and how you should always be respectful – even though he makes several rather rude remarks about people that he won’t name – and what is and is not tolerated. He makes it sound as if he owns the place, which he clearly doesn’t otherwise he wouldn’t be wearing clothes that looked as if they came from a charity shop. You doubt they are from a charity shop though, he seems like too much of a neat-freak to wear second-hand stuff; pulling his sleeve down to open doors, and subjecting the dining chair to thorough scrutiny before he perches himself on it like he’s got a stick up his ass.

“Ah Kankri, you’ve met our new resident then?” Kanaya says, giving you a warm smile as she takes a seat on your other side.

Thank God, someone else to talk to. But before you can think about making conversation with her, Kankri jumps in to reply.

“Yes, and I would like to thank you for getting Eridan properly settled during my absence this morning, although it appears that you did not go over the rules before leaving him to his own devices, something that I would advise against in future when dealing with those that are unfamiliar to us.” He takes a subtle breath as he turns his attention to you, “Not that I think you would do anything untoward Eridan, you seem like a fine young man and I believe that you will prove to be as trustworthy as the rest of our housemates, ah speaking of which.”

He stops talking – finally – and gestures to the group entering through the door. They fill up all except one of the remaining seven seats, and you recognise one of them as Rose, who immediately seats herself next to Kanaya. You really meant it when you said you don’t have a problem with their relationship; people can do whatever they want with whoever they want, so long as they don’t expect you to join in. Unless you want to of course, college is supposed to be all about new experiences, right?

“Greetings Eridan,” A young lady says as she sits down opposite you, “my name is Aranea, and to my right we have Feferi, Jake, Aradia and Tavros. Jane is still putting the finishing touches on our meal in the kitchen, but I will be sure to introduce you to her once she is seated.”

You smile and nod, returning the waves that the others give you. They all seem nice, especially Feferi who could only be described as bubbly. Oh and pretty, there’s that too, with her round, rosy face and the way her glasses magnify her stunningly deep pink eyes, framed by long eyelashes that brush her lightly freckled cheeks when she blinks. Whoops, you may have been staring at her long enough for it to be creepy, but thankfully she’s too involved in her conversation with Aradia to notice.

“Sorry for the wait everyone!”

A woman that you assume to be Jane backs into the room with two platters of food – one meat and one veg – placing them in the middle of the table before sitting in the last vacant chair. You hadn’t really registered that you were hungry earlier, but the sight and smell of a good roast dinner makes your mouth water and your stomach growl.

You spend most of the evening listening to the others chat, with Kankri and Aranea doing the majority of the talking, to the point where it sounds like they’re passive-aggressively arguing with each other over who gets to speak. After you’ve eaten as much as your stomach can physically handle, you put your plate in the dishwasher – thank God they have one of those – and then retire to your room for a well-deserved rest.

***

Your alarm wakes you up at 7:30am the next morning, which is once again _way_ to early. You roll over and reach for your phone, then decide that your glasses might be a better idea, but those end up on the floor after your first haphazard swipe over the bedside table, so you’re resigned to jabbing at the blurry phone screen until it finally stops playing that infuriating song. Hopefully you didn’t wake anyone else up. You reach down to feel for your glasses, slotting them back onto your face as you stumble to the bathroom. Screw needing glasses. Also screw forgetting where you put everything yesterday, it took you ten minutes to find your hair gel, and even longer to fish your scarf out from the back of the wardrobe. That’s the last time you try to hang anything other than coat hangers on the rack.

Unlike dinner, there’s nobody there to cook breakfast, so you make yourself some toast – which is more like warm bread because you get impatient – and slather it in jam to eat on the way to class. Feferi waves to you as she heads off to the other building with her friends, and you hope your face isn’t too purple when you wave back. Or that you don’t look too angry when some guy comes up behind and grabs her by the waist, spinning her round into a dip kiss that earns a wolf-whistle from some passers-by. Of fucking course, the first girl in his shithole that you actually like and she’s already taken.

The entire morning is taken up by formalities and paperwork, and you spend the entire time sitting in front of a guy who uses a laptop to take notes. What’s wrong with nice, quiet pen and paper? It takes a lot of self-control not to turn around and glare at him, but when you finally get fed up of him tip-tapping on his keyboard at a frustratingly consistent pace, you find yourself looking at the guy from earlier and wish you’d just carried on ignoring him. He’s skinny as a rake and wearing these dumb blue and red glasses, which reflect a black screen with lines of multi-coloured code on them. He’s not even taking notes, what an inconsiderate prick. You turn back before he notices, trying as hard as possible to block out the sound of his typing.

Lunch can’t come soon enough, and you practically run out of the lecture theatre to get to the canteen. You’ve brought enough money to buy yourself some hot food, but you also packed yourself a lunch just in case. Although the line is so long that you can’t even get close enough to read the menu, so you end up just eating the food in your bag, making a mental note to plan your lunches around your lecture schedule. You would sit with Feferi, but her douchebag boyfriend – you assume he’s her boyfriend – is there and you don’t want to show yourself up on your first day. Besides, eating alone means you can dash off as soon as you’re done to get a good seat for your first proper lecture.

You’re not sure why you chose media studies, as it has nothing to do with your actual course, but it was either that or statistics and you fucking _hate_ maths, so here you are. Thankfully, laptop guy is nowhere to be seen. You bet he took statistics. It seems that if he did, he was in the minority, as your lecture theatre quickly becomes so full that you lose one of the empty seats you like to keep either side of you. A boy dressed entirely in monochrome plops down next to you, rocking the table as he shoves his bag onto it and pulls out his books. He looks kind of like Kankri, but you don’t think that your Head Representative would ever wear jeans with ripped knees. Or let his hair be that unruly, Jesus, has this guy never heard of a hairbrush?

You were hoping that your lecturer would just stick a movie on, but it turns out that he had an actual lecture plan, one that involved working with the person next to you. Great. You take a worksheet from the row behind and shift a little to face monochrome, who is busy texting under the table. Okay, you guess you’re reading the sheet first then. Looks like you’re expected to watch and compare two movie trailers, which explains why everyone is either pulling out laptops or heading out of the room. You expect to see your partner waiting expectantly for his turn when you look up, but even after your second read through, he’s still texting. Is everyone here obsessed with technology or something? You clear your throat and slide the sheet over to him, finally catching his attention.

He momentarily glances at the paper, then returns his attention to his phone, “Oh, thanks, what are we doing?”

‘ _Why don’t you fucking read it yourself?_ ’ is what you want to say, but in the interest of actually getting the work done, you decide to be civil.

“We’re supposed to compare two movie trailers,” You say, nudging the sheet even closer to him, “so I guess we should head to the library or somethin’ to look some up on a computer.”

He finally lifts his head enough to look you in the eyes. “Cool, I’ll get my laptop out.”

Okay, he has _got_ to be related to Kankri, he’s the only other person you’ve met with eyes that red, not to mention that they also share the same short, dark hair and annoyingly smooth caramel skin. This guy doesn’t look like he even owns a brush; how does he not have a single imperfection on his face? Hang on a second, is he wearing guy-liner? Yep, he totally is. You guess he wouldn’t be averse to a little foundation then. Ugh, if only you weren’t so pale that everything made you look like you’d used fake-tan on your face. Oh and there’s the fact that Cro would most definitely take the piss out of you, even though he owns more products than all of his previous girlfriends.

“Okay, I’ve picked one, now your turn.” Monochrome’s voice breaks your thoughts as he slides his laptop over.

“Thanks.” You position it in front of you, taking note of the movie he chose – some tacky romcom, wonderful – before looking for yours.

“Name’s Karkat by the way.” He says, waiting to catch your gaze before taking out his phone again.

“Eridan.” You reply, giving him a sideways glance and a slight smile as you wait for your chosen video to load.

Oh Mr. DiCaprio, why must you buffer so? It’s not like _Titanic_ is even in HD or anything, it was made in the 90s for Christ’s sake. Normally you would have chosen something a little more scientifically accurate – you swear Jack could have fit on that board – but if Karkat’s going with modern romance, then you might as well pick a historical one.

“Good choice.”

Karkat’s voice makes you flinch. You hadn’t exactly been expecting him to take his eyes off of his screen without some sort of incentive on your part, let alone actually comment on what you were doing.

“I fucking love this movie,” He adds, shuffling closer once the video actually starts to play, “even though Jack could have totally fit on that board if Rose had just shifted her ass a little.”

“I know right?” You say, equal parts put off by his language and drawn in by the fact that he actually agrees with you.

Okay so you’re not exactly innocent when it comes to swearing like a sailor, but at least you don’t do it in public. Although you guess this is college, so maybe nobody will care here?

“I mean there’s no point bein’ romantic if you’re goin’ to fuckin’ die from it.”

Karkat throws his hands out, “Finally, somebody gets it!”

You laugh a little, throwing around a few more comments on the couple’s shared stupidity before you begin your actual task. The movie Karkat chose may indeed be the most cliché, tacky piece of shit you will never watch, but they’ve got the comedy spot on, which provides a good contrast to your equally cliché and not funny in the slightest tragedy. You email the page-long analysis to your lecturer when you’re done, peeking at Karkat's name when he types it at the bottom. Well, unless there’s multiple Vantas families who look the same, you were right about him being related to Kankri. Poor guy. Also poor you because Kankri is probably going to expect a full rundown of your day when you get back to the dorm. You say goodbye to Karkat and then head back to the house, but a few minutes after leaving the campus, you realise that your partner is going the same way.

“Hey,” He says when he notices you, “you live in the dorms?”

“Yeah, I’m in the co-ed house, Skaia or something, what about you?”

“Prospit.” he replies, beginning to text again as he walks.

There are a few minutes – or maybe it was just seconds – of silence, and then Karkat pipes up again.

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

“No I don’t think so, why?”

“We’re having a freshman party at my dorm, why don’t you swing by for a bit?”

A party? You’re not sure if you want to spend your second night at college getting drunk on shots and weird cocktails at a frat party. But you guess it would be a good chance to meet new people, and you don’t have to stay for long.

“Yeah, sure.” You reply, trying to sound as if you are actually sure of this decision.

“I gotta go meet someone now, but just knock at 8pm and tell ‘em the King invited you.” He flashes you a half-smile, then veers off down a road to the left.

‘The King’? Is that a joke? You shake your head and carry on walking. You’re never going to understand this whole fraternity, sorority, houses shit. College life might as well be a whole different culture. In fact, you think it already is from the way Cronus talks about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the most random chapter name I've ever had. Anyway, I hope you're still enjoying this!


	3. Pink Glitter and Virgin Sunrisers

It’s 7:55pm and you’ve just spent the last hour and a half in your room, getting ready for a party that you still aren’t sure you want to attend. It was a fiasco that involved no less than four outfits, seven different pieces of jewellery – even now, you’re still deciding which earring to wear in which position along the three holes in your left ear – two scarves, and a comb that has been run through your hair too many times to count. This is your first real college social event, you have to make a good impression on everyone, not just be the British hipster kid drinking orange juice on his own in the corner.

You finally decide on putting a gold and red stud at the top of your ear, with plain gold bands below it. Nice and subtle. Unlike the blond streak in your hair. What on Earth possessed you to get that done for your 21st birthday? You’d let it grow out, but it’s right at the front, so whenever the brown roots come through it looks fucking awful.

“Come on Eridan, we need to get going.” Feferi’s voice is accompanied by a soft knock at the door.

You’d tried to subtly ask her which one of the two neighbouring houses was Prospit earlier, but as soon as you mentioned it she started talking about the party – which apparently everyone has been invited to – and even if you hadn’t been invited, you think she would have dragged you along anyway. You pose for one last check in the mirror, then go out to meet her in the hall, almost forgetting to lock your room up before following her downstairs to join the others. Everyone except Kankri seems to be accompanying you, which honestly isn’t much of a surprise.

You feel much more comfortable arriving at Prospit House in a group, and hang back whilst Aradia bounds up to the porch and knocks. You can already hear the music from outside, but the wall of sound assaults your ears at full-force when someone opens the door.

“Aradia!” The girl says, grinning so wide that her red-tinted glasses lift up slightly.

Why is a girl opening the door to a frat party and not the host? Is it customary here for guests to greet other guests?

“Hey Terezi!” Aradia jumps over the threshold, urging the rest of you to follow.

Your mouth almost falls open when you step inside. Almost every surface is covered in some sort of gaudy decoration, including the ceiling, and the wooden floor has already accumulated an impressive layer of glitter from God knows where, let alone the fact that there is a full-sized bar set up in the dining room, complete with a bartender throwing bottles over his head as he makes cocktails. This is not what you expected _at all_. You were thinking more along the lines of beer kegs and bonfires, not ribbons and sparklers. It’s like you’ve stepped into a rich girl’s 16 th birthday party.

“Hey, I wasn’t sure you were going to show up.”

A familiar voice draws your attention to the top of the stairs, and this time you fail to stop yourself from gaping at the sight that awaits.

The first thing you notice about Karkat, is that he is no longer Mr. Monochrome, with bright red jeans, _silver_ high-tops and – are those a pair of light up devil horns? Oh good Lord, they are. He smirks and sits on the banister, sliding his way down to land in front of you as if he’s done it a thousand times before. From this distance, you can see that he has “wine me, dine me, 69 me” written on his t-shirt, the bright purple text almost luminous against its black background. Individually, these fashion choices wouldn't be too bad - minus the crude slogan - but together, it makes him look like took a dare and got dressed by the same 16-year-old who also decided on the décor.

“Hey.” You say, barely able to hear your own voice over the music.

You silently curse every brain cell that abandoned you at this crucial moment in creating a decent social standing for yourself.

“Who’s this Karkles?” The girl who let you in drapes her arm around Karkat’s shoulders, giggling slightly as she looks you up and down.

“Eridan,” He replies, “he was my partner for media today.”

You put your hand up in an awkward half-wave and nod to her, getting another chuckle and a very over-enthusiastic wave in return.

“I’m Terezi Pyrope, welcome to Prospit.”

“Thanks.” You say, forcing a smile to counteract her unnervingly constant grin.

“Oh, so _this_ is who our King took pity on.” Another girl’s voice chimes in.

She strolls over from the bar, using Karkat’s head as an arm rest until he smacks her hand away with a growl. Yes, he actually _growled_ at her, and you can understand why with an attitude like that. You can’t help frowning when she smirks at you; she may be hot, but her aura of ‘huge bitch’ puts a complete downer on any semblance of attraction you might feel.

“Vriska Serket,” She introduces herself without being asked, throwing in a hair flip as if she didn’t seem pretentious enough already, “the pleasure is all yours.”

“Eridan Ampora.” You mutter, folding your arms.

Both girls break out into a fit of laughter, each clinging to one of Karkat’s arms as he rolls his eyes.

“You’re an _Ampora_?” Vriska wheezes between her cackling, “Oh God that’s fucking great.”

“Look, I know my brother’s an asshole,” You say it before anyone else can, glad that the song has changed to a quieter one so you don’t have to shout, “an’ I’m pretty sure I hate him as much as you guys, so don’t go judgin’ me on what that prick has done.”

Terezi rests her head on Karkat’s shoulder and pouts, “Jesus calm down we were just teasing.”

Vriska does the same, “Yeah stop being so _sensitive_.”

“ _Girls_.” Karkat warns, shrugging them off.

They sigh, turning their scowls on him, but Karkat just stares them down blankly until they mutter apologies and slink into the living room. At least, you think it’s the living room, you can’t really tell with all the balloons and party crap everywhere.

“Sorry about that,” He shakes his head, “honestly, it’s like they think everyone is their personal verbal chew toy.”

You shrug, “It’s fine.”

His brows furrow for a moment, then his expression relaxes “Come on, I’ll get you a drink, what’s your poison?”

“I’m not really much of a drinker.” You admit after weaving through the crowd with him to the bar.

“Great, me neither,” He taps the counter to get the bartender’s attention, “Rufioh, two virgin sunrisers por favour.”

“Sure thing Doll.”

A few bottle flips and fancy tricks later, you are presented with a tall glass of fizzing orange juice, the bottom coloured red by sugar syrup and not a drop of alcohol in sight.

“Le’s go ou’shide.” Karkat says, his words distorted by the straw between his teeth.

You take a sip through your own as you follow him into another room and then out onto a patio, pleased to find that your beverage tastes as good as it looks. Turns out that alcohol-free doesn’t always have to mean boring. You hadn’t been inside for long, but the cool night air provides a welcome relief from the stifling atmosphere created by lots of hot bodies in a confined space. It also helps that you can actually hear properly now, even though you spend the first few minutes in silence.

“Thanks for invitin’ me.” You say to fill the dead air between you.

“No problem.” His eyes flicker to you, then back to his glass, were he is prodding his straw into the syrup gathering on the bottom.

“ _So_ ,” you drawl, doing the same until you think of another topic, “what’s all this King stuff about? Like is it a joke or somethin’?”

He snorts, “Kind of, or at least it started as one.” He downs the last of his drink, grimacing after receiving a mouthful of sugar, then turns to you, “So you know how Prospit is a Sorority right?”

“W-what?”

You hadn’t meant to sound so shocked, but everything you know about these societies has led you to believe that Sororities were exclusively for women and Fraternities exclusively for men.

Karkat seems confused for a moment, then he rolls his eyes, “Oh right, you thought Prospit was a Fraternity because I’m in it, didn’t you?”

“Uh, yeah.” You reply, not sure why he’s so offended; of course you’d assume that a member – let alone the so-called ‘King’ – of guy’s club would be a guy.

He sighs, leaning back against the wall behind you “Okay, well for future reference, it’s not, and I’m their fucking King because gender restrictions can suck my ass. That’s all you need to know.”

Well that went south quickly.

“Oh and before you go embarrassing yourself by asking in a really awkward and roundabout way several months down the line, assuming that we’re still talking by then; yes, I’m gay, and no, I won’t fucking hit on you, alright?” In spite of asking for confirmation, he doesn’t look at you at all whilst speaking.

“I wasn’t goin’ to ask, but thanks for bein’ honest I guess.” You mutter into your glass, hoping that it does something to hide the blush creeping into your cheeks. Spoilers, it doesn't, glass can't hide shit Eridan, you moron.

Part of you wants to run away and never set foot in this God forsaken, glitter-bin shithole ever again, but Karkat is the only person in any of your classes that you’ve managed to talk to so far, so you stay by his side and finish your drink like he didn’t just accuse you of being homophobic.

Then before you have time to decide if leaving would have been a better option, Karkat gives a heavy sigh, “God I’m sorry, that was so weird, I met you like six hours ago and here I am just blabbering like a fucking idiot,” he lets out another breath and rubs his hands across his face, running them through his hair as he drops his head back against the wall, “you should just forget about this and go hang out with your friends, I’m probably not the best person to be around right now anyway.”

You feel a pang of anxiety that keeps you firmly rooted to the spot. Karkat’s been so nice to you up until now, so whatever’s bothering him must be pretty bad. Not that it’s your place to pry – like he said, you only met him this afternoon – but it feels wrong to just leave him like this.

“Karkat, are you alright?”

He sniffs, “Yeah, I’m fine, I just want to be alone.”

He gives you a very solid glare to reinforce this statement, a silent plea hidden behind his scarlet eyes. You nod and turn to walk away, but then a nagging voice in your head shouts “give him your number!” and before you know what you’re doing, you’ve pulled your phone out and asked him to do the same.

“Thought we could swap numbers,” You tell him, “in case we need to do another project together or something.”

Shit, that sounded a lot cooler in your head, he probably thinks you’re being a right twat. But, even if he does, this display of your complete social ineptitude somehow manages to convince him that swapping numbers is a good idea.

“Sure.” He replies, inputting your number and then giving you his.

You give him a slight smile, receiving an attempt at one in return, then promptly leave before you can make even more of a fool of yourself. You’re glad Cro isn’t here to see this; there would be no end to the torment if he found out that you came away from your first college party with nothing under your belt but a single non-alcoholic drink and an angry guy’s phone number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intended for there to be a lot more drunken shenanigans and relationship exposition in this chapter, but then Karkat drama-bomb Vantas decided to steal the show.
> 
> I'm quite happy with how this is going though, it's got more of an actual emotional plot developing now, rather than just a glorified shipping party haha.


	4. He doesn't deserve my exquisite shrieking

It’s been three days since you talked to Karkat at the party, and you haven’t heard from him since. Not that he has any reason to message you or meet up with you outside of the one class you share together, but you haven’t even seen him around campus. Normally it wouldn’t bother you; you’d just assume that your schedules don’t match up or that you made him not want to talk to you ever again, both of which are reasonable explanations. But something about the way he was acting just didn't feel right. You can’t help playing the conversation back in your head, trying to figure out if you did something wrong to make him snap at you like that. Then you start thinking ‘well why the fuck do I even care?’ and somehow that’s an even harder question to answer.

You like Karkat, you guess, from the four hours you’ve spent in his presence. He’s got the same sense of humour as you, and you’re both avid film fans. You also like Kanaya, who you’ve spoken to every day, and Feferi, even though there’s not the slightest chance of you being anything more than friends at the moment. But Karkat’s different, it’s like you just… _Clicked_ , as if you’d known him for far longer than you actually have. You sigh and get up to throw away your sandwich wrapper. You still haven’t bought a hot meal here yet, partly due to laziness, but the fact that they never serve anything without chips has definitely had a say in the matter.

Then as you exit the canteen, you spot Mr. Monochrome, sitting alone on a bench. It’s like Karkat has a completely different persona when he’s on campus, lacking any of the confidence and bright colours that you saw at the party, instead sinking into the background clad in black and grey. He’s texting as usual so you decide to leave him be, but just as you start walking past, he looks up. You freeze, holding your breath until he finally speaks.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” You echo.

He puts away his phone and shifts over on the bench, silently inviting you to join him.

“Sorry about Monday,” He says in a quiet voice after you sit down, “I was a real ass to you for no reason at all besides the fact that you were there and I felt like shit, which totally wasn’t your fault but I decided to be a fucking prick anyway.” He sighs, “And now I’m just blurting everything out to you again, even though you probably don’t give the slightest fuck about my life and would rather be doing something actually important with yours.”

You bite your lip as you ponder your reply, eventually settling on “I don’t think you’re that bad.”

Karkat frowns, dropping his gaze to the floor. Then his phone beeps and he whips it out of his pocket, angrily shoving it back in again after one look at the screen.

“Remember when I said I had to meet someone?”

You nod.

“It was my boyfriend, and he decided to dump me.” Both his face and voice are void of emotion as he speaks, but the way he’s systematically tearing apart the receipt in his hands tells you all you need to know about how he’s feeling. “Just thought I’d let you know that the thing at the party wasn’t your fault.”

“Oh,” is your brilliant reply to this, followed up by a completely unhelpful “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, he’s an asshole.” Karkat grumbles, letting the scraps of paper get blown from his grasp with the next gust of wind.

You’re pretty sure that he’s not ‘fine’, but there’s not much you can do about it, considering you don’t even know said asshole’s name. Although when you catch Karkat glaring at a couple across the road, you can take a pretty good guess at what he looks like. Terezi – you barely recognise her without the metallic body-sock and five-inch heels – is talking to a young, blonde man with sunglasses, twirling her bony hips from side to side as he obviously flirts with her. Then she puts her arms around his neck and he pulls her closer by the waist, lifting her up a little for an unnecessarily long and passionate kiss. You wrinkle your nose, looking back at Karkat just in time to see his heart breaking.

“I should go.” He stands up and walks off in the opposite direction, hands in his pockets and heels scuffing the pavement.

You’ve half a mind to follow him, but that would probably just make things worse.

***

A cry of “No! Fuck that!” is the sound that greets you upon returning to your dorm. You take off your shoes and sneak over to the living room door, which seems to be the source of the noise. It’s slightly ajar, allowing you to peek inside and eavesdrop like the creeper you clearly are. Karkat is sitting on the sofa with his knees pulled up to his chest – Kankri would have a conniption if he saw someone with their feet on the cushions like that – sandwiched between Feferi and her boyfriend, and scowling at Kanaya as she tries to placate him with hushed words that you can’t quite hear.

“But that’s not the point!” He interrupts her, letting his feet drop to the floor with a thud, “I don’t care that he’s dating someone else, I _care_ that he’s dating our fucking friend, the same ‘friend’ who sat with me before that party whilst I ranted about how out of the blue our break-up was, _knowing_ that the reason we broke up was because he’d been dating her on the side!”

He lets out this noise of exasperation, almost hitting Feferi’s boyfriend in the face as he slumps back in his seat. You wish he had hit him.

“But KK, you guyth have been on the rockth for weekth, you even thaid that you wanted to end thingth with him yourthelf.”

You put a hand over your mouth to hold in the laughter. He has a _lisp_. Feferi’s coder douche of a boyfriend has a _lisp_. This is fantastic.

“I didn’t fucking mean it!” Karkat yells back, “We always say shit like that, it’s just how we are – or were now I guess, fucking _were_ , because apparently our relationship never stopped being a big fat joke, with me as the big fat sucker of a punchline.”

“Maybe if you jutht talked to him – ”

“No Sollux! I’m _never_ talking to him _ever_ again; he doesn’t _deserve_ to get his eardrums blown out by the exquisite shrieking of my vocal chords, no matter how much pleasure I would get from seeing him fall to the floor in agony. God I just _hate_ him.”

Karkat buries his face in his hands to muffle a growl that turns into a sob, and when he looks up again his cheeks are smudged with black. Feferi relinquishes her place to Kanaya, walking behind the sofa to pat Karkat’s back whilst Kanaya and Sollux hug him from either side. Poor guy, as someone who knows what it’s like to be dropped for no apparent reason, you almost want to join in on the cuddle fest. Then something creaks behind you and almost makes you head-butt the door with how fast you stand up. Aradia comes downstairs with a hop in her step, and you take off your coat to try and make it look like you just came in.

“Hey Aradia.”

“Hi Eridan.” She gives you a friendly smile, then wanders off to the kitchen.

Okay, Karkat and the others would have totally heard that right? You should be safe to go in now. But you knock on the still mostly closed door just to be safe, before poking your head around. Karkat has miraculously composed himself, dark rings around his eyes the only sign of his tears and the ever-present scowl set back onto his face.

“It’s fine, I told him.” He mutters to the others as you sit down, glancing at you then back at the hem of his jacket, which he is slowly picking apart.

Kanaya pats his shoulder, looking as if she’s about to ask you something, “Eridan,”

Oh God, she definitely wants to ask you something.

“I’m sure you can understand Karkat’s position with his friends –”

“They’re _not_ my friends.” Karkat growls under his breath.

Kanaya sighs, “Anyway, I was thinking that perhaps Karkat would be better off staying here for a few nights, if that’s alright with you.”

You raise an eyebrow, “Of course, but why do I get a say in this? It’s Feferi’s dad who owns the place right?”

She bites her lip and then puts on a smile, “Well I was hoping that maybe, since you’ve got a spare bed in your room, that Karkat could possibly stay with you?”

“Kanaya it’s fine I’ll just sleep on the couch.” Karkat replies, not giving you a chance to say that you wouldn’t be all that bothered about having a roommate.

“You can’t do that Karcrab,” Feferi says, “daddy would go crazy if he found out, not to mention what Kancrab would say.”

Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Perhaps you could stay with your brother if you don’t like the idea of sharing with a stranger,” Kanaya suggests, “no offense to you Eridan.”

“Oh _God no_!” Karkat groans, rubbing his eyes, then he sits forwards after a deep breath, “fine, fine I’ll stay, but I am _not_ rooming with captain windbag.”

Kanaya chuckles, “Excellent, it’s settled then.”

“Wait, what about my stuff? I can’t go back to my room or everyone will start asking questions.”

“Don’t worry I’ll collect some things for you during my break tomorrow morning,” She reassures him, “Eridan could you show Karkat to your room?”

“Okay.” You stand up, waiting for Karkat to follow before heading out of the room and upstairs.

“Thanks for doing this.” He says as you unlock the door.

“No problem, I guess I can say that I sympathise with your situation.”

He nods and folds his arms. You hold the door open for him, glad that you haven’t had time to make much of a mess in your room yet.

“That’s your bed.” You tell him, gesturing to the immaculately made bed a few feet away from your own crumpled mess.

Shit, you should really get into the habit of making that.

He shuffles over and plops down on the end of his mattress, looking more than a little uncomfortable. You take the opportunity to put away all of your products that currently litter the bathroom, being sure to leave half of the shelves free for whatever Karkat uses – you doubt any of it is going to be for the bird’s nest that he calls hair. He busies himself on his phone as you throw a few stray clothes into the wash-bin, then by the time you’re done it’s 6pm, and you head downstairs for dinner. Thankfully, Kanaya had the hindsight to explain things to Kankri beforehand, so he only gives Karkat a lecture about the house rules, rather than shouting at him for not discussing things with the senior members of the House – as far as you’re concerned, it’s Feferi’s say in the matter because this is her dad’s property, but Kankri seems to think otherwise.

Bed time is only slightly more awkward than you imagined; Karkat gets changed in the bathroom after taking a shower, but you had one yesterday so you just throw on some pyjamas and then climb into bed with a book. The little guy looks exhausted, but decides to stay up watching a movie on his laptop until you turn off your light, which he takes it as a signal to do the same. You’ve never had to share a room before, so you thought that you’d find it difficult to sleep, but it’s as if having someone else there makes you feel more comfortable, and you drop off quicker than you have any of the previous nights that you’ve been here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now that everything's out in the open, I can put a list of who lives in what house, just to clarify or as a reference for future chapters ~
> 
>  **Skaia:** Eridan, Kanaya, Kankri, Aranea, Tavros, Rose, Jake, Feferi, Aradia and Jane.  
>  **Prospit:** Karkat, Terezi, Vriska, Meenah, Roxy, Jade, Nepeta, Meulin, Latula, Porrim and Damara.  
>  **Derse:** Dirk, Dave, John, Cronus, Rufioh, Mituna, Horuss, Equius, Sollux, Gamzee and Kurloz.


	5. I know its been like five years but hi

You jolt awake the next morning at the sound of your alarm. Shit, shit, shit, you were supposed to turn that off! You scramble to grab your phone, silencing it as quickly as you can without your glasses on. Unfortunately, you weren’t quick enough.

“What, the _fuck,_ was that.” Is how Karkat greets you a moment later.

“My alarm.” You reply, staying with your back to him to hide your burning cheeks.

“At _seven-thirty_?”

“Well how else am I supposed to give myself time to get ready?”

You hear him give an exasperated sigh and then flop back on his bed. And people called _you_ a drama queen. You’re glad he can’t see you rolling your eyes as you put your glasses on and get up.

Karkat is still in bed when you emerge, fully dressed, from the bathroom, the duvet pulled up over his head and his body curled into a ball underneath. You debate waking him up, but he’s clearly not a morning person, so you decide to simply be a little less careful about how much noise you make as you pack your bag.

“Could you be any fucking louder?” He huffs at the wall after you let the wardrobe door swing shut with a thud.

“Shouldn’t you be wakin’ up anyway? Classes start in like an hour.” You remind him, throwing your backpack over your shoulder.

He uncovers his head and rolls over to glare at you, “For _you_ maybe, but I don’t have to do shit until one-thirty, so just finish whatever you’re doing and kindly leave me to sleep in peace.” He sinks back under the covers. “I’ll see you in five hours.”

What sort of mentality is that? Even if he doesn’t have class until this afternoon he should still be getting up by now, what about breakfast? Oh well whatever, he’s an adult, and even if he was your friend it’s not your duty to make sure he wakes up on time. Is he your friend? You live together and you’ve got each other’s numbers, even if both of those things happened under really awkward circumstances. Maybe you’re more like acquaintances, friends implies that you actually want to spend time together when you don’t have to. Do you want to spend time with Karkat? You guess you do. You like talking to him at least. But maybe that’s just because he’s the only person in any of your classes who will have a proper conversation with you.

You’re still thinking about this as you take your seat for your Historical Architecture and World Geography lecture. You’ve been enjoying all of your subjects so far, with The History of Diplomacy and War being your favourite as you expected, and your chosen case study period of Medieval Europe proving to be just as enjoyable, even if you did spend the first hour researching diseases. Philosophy is as good as you could expect it to be, and Politics was drab but understandable. You’re going to reserve judgement on this one until later, but considering you spent three years travelling the world with your dad, you already have a decent grasp on geography. Architecture too, although it’s not one of your strong points.

“Morning Eridan!” Aradia’s cheerful voice heralds the movement of the benches as she seats herself next to you.

Upon looking up, you notice that her usually wild mane of hair has been wrangled into a neat braid, with a headband sporting large, red flower securing the stray curls on top of her head. You wonder if Feferi did that for her; she’s always got plaits and pretty colours weaved into her long, blond hair.

“Hi Aradia, are you on a history course too?”

She shakes her head, “Geography and Archaeology, but history was a close second choice.”

You’re about to ask her if she’s travelled much – and tell her about your adventures of course – when the lecturer calls for your attention. Oh God, his voice is boring already. Hopefully the content will be interesting enough to make up for it. At least you have Aradia to talk to, which is what you end up doing most of the time, seeing as you both know the basic map you’re being taught about like the back of your hand. Looks like this course is going to be smooth sailing. Man if only you were doing a nautically themed course, that would have been such a good pun. You bet Feferi would like it; she’s always spouting fish puns.

You have lunch with Aradia and a girl named Nepeta, who lives in the Prospit dorm. It’s tough to get a word in edgeways, but it’s fun to watch them get all excited talking about things, and they’re both cute so there’s that too. Nepeta seems to really like cats, and when she pulls her hood up to walk home in the rain, you notice that it has little ears on it. She sees you looking and promptly explains that she does indeed love cats, as well as ships. At first you think you’ve met a fellow boat enthusiast, but when she starts talking about relationships and people she knows, you realise she means the fangirl definition of a ‘ship’. Except with real people apparently. Great, just what you needed, a girl who will probably try to set you up with all of her single friends. Yeah you’d like a girlfriend sure, but you don’t need _help_ to get one; that’s just degrading.

Karkat is nowhere to be seen when you and Aradia finally duck inside your dorm to escape the downpour. It’s 1pm so you’re guessing that he’s left early to go to his afternoon class. This means that you get your room free to start on some of your assignments. _Ugh_. Honestly, it should be illegal to give out coursework in the first lecture. You start to dig in to your stash of chocolate that you bought in duty-free at the airport whilst you work, and by the time Karkat shows his sour face, you’ve eaten almost an entire box of these really nice Belgian truffles. You should be feeling sick by now, but you could probably finish it off if you didn’t have to leave room for dinner. Plus, it gives you something to say to Karkat when he storms into the room.

“Want a truffle?” You say, extending the box out to him.

“Thanks.” He says, expression unchanging as he grabs a chocolate and falls back onto his bed.

What? How can anyone frown when they’re eating sweets? He must be in a really foul mood. Seeing as you’d like all of your limbs to remain intact, you refrain from asking what his problem is when he opens his laptop hard enough to almost rip the screen off. You’re just roommates, it’s not your place to know. You reopen your own computer – with less unneeded aggression – to continue clearing the mountain of emails that have accumulated. Seriously, how many fucking clubs and societies does this place have? Delete. Delete. Fucking computer club, very firm _delete_. Delete. Delete. Del- oh, a role-playing club. Save that one for later. You pop it into your keep folder, where it joins a series of messages from over five years ago on your old account.

You’ve read through these so many times that you know some of the conversations off by heart. But the last email is one that you almost never look at. It makes you feel so guilty, how the two of you just stopped talking like that, with an unfulfilled promise of meeting each other one day. You started off as pen pals when you were 11, set up through a school program that should have lasted a few months but ended up spanning five years. You never exchanged names or details, besides the fact that they lived in America and you were in England. Their name – or rather, their email address – was carcinoGeneticist, and yours was caligulasAquarium. Silly names really, but you were only kids when you made them.

They were your best friend; you would talk almost every day, telling each other about family or friends or teachers, using codenames for everything like you were spies. You probably could have told each other your real names once the program had technically ended, but there was something really cool about knowing everything and nothing about each other all at once. It makes you smile when you think back on all those late night discussions. Then your heart sinks when you remember the subject of your last conversation. How you’d told them you were going away travelling and wouldn’t have much time to chat. How they’d been okay with it and wished you good luck. How you’d promised to send pictures when you were back… Pictures that never made it anywhere near your old, childish email account.

Maybe, now you’re settled down, you should contact them again? Or have you left it too long? Will they be angry? Ignore you? Shout at you? Would they have forgotten you?

No, you can’t think like that. You’ll never know unless you try. You open up a blank email, enter their address and take a deep breath, then begin to type.

From: caligulasAquarium  
To: carcinoGeneticist  
Subject: I know its been like five years but hi  
Hey CG  
Firstly im sorry its been ages since we last talked. I know I promised to email you when I got back from traveling but a lot of stuff happened and I know thats no excuse, but I feel like I need to give one for how long I put off doing this.  
Secondly I hope youre okay and that you dont hate me or anything, because id like to be friends and pen pals again if thats alright with you, but I totally understand if it isnt.  
So yeah that probably sounded awful but there it is. Hope im not too late.  
CA

You read it through once more and then hit the send button. That was probably one of the worst emails you have ever written, but what else were you supposed to say? Give them some big run down on the five whole fucking years of your life that they missed? Nobody wants to read that out of the blue. No, this was the right way to do it. You’re almost 52% sure of that. Karkat’s computer pings to your right. Huh, what a coincidence. You always find it funny when that happens; you send a message and someone else gets one like right after.

You try not to think about the completely moronic content of the message that you sent, and almost succeed in not worrying yourself sick, until your computer pings some time later, alerting you to an email.

Oh God.

CG _replied_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been waiting to write this one for a while; this chapter marks the start of my original inspiration for the fic, so I hope you enjoy what I have planned!


	6. Are we still friends?

From: carcinoGeneticist  
To: caligulasAquarium  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
HEY. WOW. YEAH IT HAS BEEN A WHILE HASN’T IT?  
I GUESS I SHARE SOME OF THE BLAME FOR THAT. I COULD HAVE MESSAGED YOU LIKE ANY TIME BUT I WAS TOO BUSY BEING PATHETIC WITH MY HEAD STUCK IN THE PROVERBIAL SAND. SO I’M SORRY TOO.  
ANYWAY I DON’T HATE YOU OR ANYTHING AND YEAH, I’D LIKE TO BE FRIENDS AND SHIT AGAIN IF YOU WANT.  
SOOO, JUST IN CASE THIS ISN’T AWKWARD ENOUGH ALREADY...  
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST HALF A DECADE?

You sit with your fingers hovering above the keyboard, staring at the screen whilst your heart attempts to jump out of your chest and answer for you. They replied. They actually fucking replied to you. And they don’t hate you. And they want to be friends. And they still type in all caps like an adorable ornery asshole. You let out a choked breath, your eyes prickling and that tight feeling rising in the back of your throat. Shit, no, don’t cry, Karkat will think you’re weird. You sniff and discreetly wipe your eyes, giving your hands time to stop shaking – which they don’t – before you begin your reply. Like CG said, things can’t get any more awkward now right?

From: caligulasAquarium  
To: carcinoGeneticist  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
Yeah we did pretty good impersonations of ostritches or whatever bird it is thats always doing that in cartoons. But I dont really blame you. Maybe its nobodys fault, lets just say that and stop feeling bad about it.  
Im really glad you still want to be friends. Ive missed talking to you all the time. Not saying that we have to go back to chatting every night or anything, but yeah just whatever youre comfortable with.  
Uhm, well I went travelling, which you know about, but other than that I just started college, im studying history which is pretty interesting. Im in America actually, some tiny pisspot state called Alternia, youve probably never been anywhere near it.  
What about you?  
P.S. nice to see you still type in all caps, gave me a real nostalgia trip (that was serious not sarcastic just in case you were wondering)

Wow you should win a medal for the most awkward conversation ever recorded on an online messaging system. But if you persevere through the embarrassment then everything will turn out okay in the end, especially if it means you can start talking to CG again. Hey did Karkat’s computer just ping again? Spooky coincidence or what. He’s pressing backspace a lot when he types out a reply – assuming he’s answering them – you wonder who he’s talking to. Oh, speaking of replies, another message from CG.

From: carcinoGeneticist  
To: caligulasAquarium  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
OSTRITCHES SOUNDS RIGHT. AND YEAH, IT’S NOBODY’S FAULT. LET’S BLAME THE UNIVERSE FOR THIS ONE AND LET IT REAP ITS KARMA IN OUR RESSURRECTED FRIENDSHIP. NOT THAT IT EVER DIED OR ANYTHING, BUT, FUCK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  
I’VE MISSED TALKING TO YOU TOO, I KINDA GOT USED TO IT AFTER A WHILE BUT IT WAS NEVER REALLY THE SAME.  
OH, COOL, HISTORY’S A GOOD CHOICE FOR YOU, SEEING AS YOU KNOW SO MUCH SHIT ABOUT IT ALREADY. I STARTED COLLEGE TOO, I’M AN ENGLISH LITERATURE AND DRAMA MAJOR. I KNOW, WEIRD RIGHT? WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT I’D WANT TO GO ANYWHERE NEAR A STAGE? WELL ACTUALLY I STILL KINDA DON’T, BUT I’M WORKING ON IT. I THINK I’M ERRING MORE TO THE WRITING SIDE OF THINGS ANYWAY.  
DUDE, ALTERNIA? NO FUCKING WAY I’VE TOTALLY BEEN NEAR IT - I’M IN IT RIGHT NOW, IT’S WHERE MY COLLEGE IS! WHICH SCHOOL ARE YOU AT? DO YOU LIVE IN A DORM OR WITH YOUR FOLKS? YOUR DOUCHEBAG BROTHER ISN’T HERE IS HE?  
P.S. I FEEL STUPID BECAUSE YOU TYPE KINDA NORMALLY NOW AND I DON’T.

You smile as CG’s usual attitude comes back to life through the screen. You love their random analogies and phrases. They could never fail to make you laugh when they were ranting about something, sometimes even if the rant was aimed at you. But that’s not the point here – CG is in an Alternian college. It’s fucking fate. What if this is the opportunity for the two of you to finally meet? You feel giddy at the thought of finally coming face to face with them.

From: caligulasAquarium  
To: carcinoGeneticist  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
Totally, fuck the universe and everything its ever thrown at us. And dont worry, I get what you mean. Yeah, that’s like exactly how ive been feeling. Its weird.  
Thanks, I dont think its all going to be easy, even I dont know everything about the history of this shitty planet, but I appreciate you saying so. I could see you being on stage, especially if you speak as loudly as your typing implies, but youd make a good writer too with all your long fancy metaphors.  
No shit seriously? I go to Veil, its near the coast. I live in the dorms nearby, they have this weird system here with their three houses but I wont get into that right now. Yeah the greaser bro is here unfortunately, dont want to get into that either.  
What about you?  
P.S. do you mean wwhen i used to type like this wwith my wweird accent an stutter that I dont evven havve anymore? at least yours is readable, mine just looks fuckin awwful an probably gavve you eyestrain for all a those years.

You’re still smiling when you send your response, but then you hear a familiar ping and your expression drops. Okay, this is going beyond a coincidence now and into the realms of downright creepy. A smile flickers across Karkat’s face as he types, and a little while after he’s done, you receive a message. No, it couldn’t be, right? You notice Karkat frowning at you out of the corner of your eye, but when you look over he quickly turns his attention to his screen. Alright, your suspicion stat just gained several levels. Perhaps it’s time to test your theory?

From: carcinoGeneticist  
To: caligulasAquarium  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
YEAH. WEIRD. THAT PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP THIS WHOLE THING.  
THANKS, I JUST HOPE I’M GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE IT THROUGH FIRST YEAR, THESE ARTSY TYPES ARE NITPICKY AS FUCK AND NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN THEY WILL TEAR APART EVERYTHING YOU DO UNTIL THEY FIND THE ONE THING THEY ACTUALLY LIKE, IF THEY EVEN LIKE ANY OF IT AT ALL.  
DUDE I GO TO VEIL TOO! WE COULD HAVE TALKED TO EACH OTHER AND NOT EVEN REALISED, THAT’S SO FUCKING FREAKY! I LIVE IN PROSPIT – OR WELL I USED TO, I’M STAYING IN SKAIA FOR A BIT FOR REASONS THAT I ALSO WON’T GET IN TO – BUT WE SHOULD TOTALLY HANG OUT OR SOMETHING. IF YOU WANT TO I MEAN. WE DONT HAVE TO.  
P.S. YES THAT, IT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS AND YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY USE IT AT ALL TIMES FROM NOW ON.

From: caligulasAquarium  
To: carcinoGeneticist  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
Hey not to ruin this moment wwere havvin or anythin because i really am enjoyin it (see im even typin in the stupid accent for you) and wwe can pick it up again later, but you wwouldnt happen to be in your dorm room right noww wwould you?  


From: carcinoGeneticist  
To: caligulasAquarium  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
UH, YEAH...  
WHY?  


From: caligulasAquarium  
To: carcinoGeneticist  
Subject: Re: I know its been like five years but hi  
Could you do me a favvour an just like, look left an wwavve at the guy next to you?  
Its not as wweird as it sounds i promise.  


You send the email and turn to Karkat, waiting until his computer gives it’s little ping of acknowledgement. He tilts his head and frowns, then his eyes flicker to the left, followed by a turn of his head and a tentative wave.

You wave back with a nervous smile, “Hey CG.”

“CA?” He mutters, closing his laptop and shifting fully to face you, legs hanging over the side of the bed.

You do the same and mirror his position, trying not to look like you’re about to burst if he doesn’t say something. It is taking _a lot_ of your self-control not to squeal like a little girl – really not the first impression you want to make.

“No way.” He lets out a soft bark of laughter and brings a hand up to his mouth, “No fucking way.”

You nod and cover your own face to hide the stupid grin spreading across it. He stands up, then sits back down, then he’s on his feet again pacing the length of his bed.

“After all of this time, all this fucking time, most of which you spent half way across the Goddamn world on a boat, and we end up at college together in some shitty little town in the ass crack of nowhere. I mean fuck, we never even knew each other’s names! What are the odds?” He stops walking – and talking – to plop himself on your bed.

“I know right?” Your voice gets higher on the second word without your permission, so you clear your throat to level it again, “it’s fuckin’ mental.”

“ _Mental_?” Karkat shoves his hands in his hair, “Eridan this is the most insane thing that’s ever happened to me! I never thought I’d speak to you again, let alone meet you in person.”

“Me neither,” You reply, “all feels a little surreal.”

He laughs again and so do you, the same thing happening the next few times either of you tries to speak, until you just end up grinning at each other like idiots. What would be appropriate in this situation? Like should you shake hands? Or maybe a hug would be better, or is that too much? You guess most people would hug their best friend that they haven’t seen for years, but it’s kinda different with you and Karkat because you never technically ‘saw’ each other at all. Still, it can’t hurt to ask right?

“Uhm, so,” You say, drumming your fingers on the duvet, “should we like, hug it out or something?”

“Oh uh, yeah, sure.”

He blushes as you both shuffle closer, holding out his arms and not looking at your face. Which is good, because you’re probably violet by now. Not because you like him like _that_ or anything, your blood just happens to be a drama queen and feels the need to parade itself around your cheeks any time you feel the slightest bit nervous or uncomfortable. Not that Karkat makes you uncomfortable, but you’re both walking on a thin line here between best friend and stranger, and you’d like to end up on the friendly side after this awkward first meeting is over.

You wrap your arms lightly around Karkat’s shoulders, closing the gap between you completely as he lays his hands on your back. He feels so small like this, especially when he rests his cheek on your shoulder and you realise he wouldn’t be able to do this if you were standing up. You let your head lean against his, feeling him relax against you slightly. Yeah, this was the right thing to do. You’re making up for ten years of missed hugs after all. Jesus Christ that makes you feel old.

Then Karkat pats your back and pulls away, leaving your body cold and exposed where his warmth used to be.

“Well, that’s that out of the way,” He says, his face still a little red, “now how about you fill me in on your fantastical adventures?”

You grin and proceed to do just that, starting with your trip to Hawaii, then round to Australia, then Japan, and then up to Russia, hitting lots of other places along the way after you crossed back over to America. Karkat asks if you went to New Jersey – which is his home state – and when you say no he promises to take you there some day, even though he never really sounded fond of his home when he used to talk about it. The subject drifts onto your family, where you realise that all of those funny stories he told you about his brother were about Kankri.

“Wait, so that ‘Brovolta’ of yours that you used to talk about, that’s Cronus?” Karkat grabs one of the last truffles and pops it into his mouth.

You smirk at your old nickname for Cro, “Yeah, now do you see where I got the name from?”

He finishes his chocolate and laughs, but it sounds more nervous than amused, “Uh yeah, I do.”

Wait, is he friends with Cronus? Did you just put your foot in your mouth _again_? Aw man, and you were doing so well, it’s the party all over again.

“Hey, um, about that,” He bites his lip, looking at his hands as he continues in a mumble, “I’m kinda, sorta, dating him, your brother I mean.”

“ _What the fuck_?” Welp, there goes the other foot. You really need to work on your tact.

“I know, _I know_ ,” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “but he was here this morning being his usual asshole flirty self and I just… I gave in. And I know that makes me sound weak and so fucking _stupid_ but… I don’t think about Dave when I’m with him. He makes things simple, easy, like I don’t have to worry if I’m doing things right or wrong, it just happens.” He lets out another puff of air, his hands getting dragged down his face this time, “But you probably don’t want to hear about this, I mean I think I’d vom if someone started telling me about what it was like to date Kankri.”

Yeah he’s got a point there. You don’t really want to imagine _anyone_ kissing Cronus, let alone your best friend. You could warn Karkat that Cronus is probably just messing around, but from the sounds of it Karkat isn’t serious either, so you guess that’d be a moot point.

“It’s fine.” You tell him, patting his shoulder, “At least now I know to knock first if his bike is parked outside.”

Karkat gasps, blushing furiously as he whacks you on the arm, “Fuck off, I’m not _that_ easy.”

You wiggle your eyebrows at him and he just turns redder – half embarrassment, half fury – almost knocking your glasses off when he starts beating you with a pillow. Fine, if it’s a pillow fight he wants, it’s a pillow fight he’ll get. You duck past him and grab his pillow, smacking him right in the face with it. Now that you’re both even, you switch to aiming below the neck, laughing as you weave and jump to dodge each other’s attacks. This is something you never thought you’d be doing; you didn’t go to any sleepovers as a kid, and by the time you did finally stay over somewhere this sort of thing was seen as ‘girly’ so none of your mates were into it. You still think it’s kind of a girly thing to do – you blame modern cinema – but that doesn’t mean you’re going to back down.

However, Karkat is surprisingly strong for his size, and eventually has you literally down on your back across his bed, whilst he beats you in the stomach with _both_ pillows. You curl up and roll over, getting a few more hits to the back before his assault ends. You’re both out of breath, and after the sound of the pillows thudding to the floor, the mattress dips behind you as Karkat sits down. You move on to your back, expecting to see him facing away from you, but instead you find him kneeling right next to your side, looking down at you with a smug grin.

“Loser makes coffee.” He says.

You fold your arms, raising an eyebrow at him, “An’ when did we agree on that?”

“We didn’t have to, it’s Prospit House rules and since I’m the King, you have to do what I say.”

You sit up to look him in the eyes, leaning back on your hands, “What if I told you that in Skaia it’s the winner who makes the coffee?”

“Bullshit.” He whispers, and you can feel his breath because somehow your faces are now just inches apart.

When did that happen and why are you so okay with it? Wow he’s got really pretty eyelashes. You didn’t notice before but you think they might actually be longer than Feferi’s. Wait, why are you noticing that? Why are you comparing them? Oh God he’s staring at you – you know that stare, it’s the pre-kiss dreamy stare. Fuck are you doing it too? It feels like you are. You can’t really tell; _how_ do you even tell? It feels really hot in your room all of a sudden. Maybe you should get up. Yes, getting up is a thing you should do. Or so your brain tells you, but your body seems to be more of the opinion that you should follow Karkat’s lead and get so close that you’re unable to actually focus on his face any more.

Then all of a sudden Karkat pulls back, almost leaping to the bottom of the bed.

“Shit, fuck, shit, sorry, fuck,” He babbles, “I said I wouldn’t hit on you and here I am just jumping on you as soon as you sit still,” He stands up and continues speaking in the direction of the bathroom door, “a _nd_ I’m dating your fucking brother, God, fuck I’m awful, I’m the worst human being to ever set foot on this God forsaken planet. Fucking _dammit_.”

His hands are balled into fists, and for a moment it seems as if he’s looking for something to punch, but then he just kicks the empty chocolate box across the room.

“I-it’s fine,” You say, for lack of a better way to calm him down, “I mean I’m pretty hot, so I don’t blame you for being tempted.”

You force a slight laugh – it totally sounds it too – and even though he doesn’t laugh back, Karkat sits down and sighs. Okay, placation successful. You think.

“I don’t like you like that,” He states flatly, “I’m just not in a good place at the moment.”

“It’s fine,” You repeat, gaining more confidence as you sit forwards and cross your legs, “I get it.”

“I sincerely doubt that, but I suppose I should be glad you’re trying at least.”

He doesn’t look very glad, but you’re beginning to learn that ‘a scowl sour enough to curdle milk’ or ‘a frown like you just kicked a puppy’ are Karkat’s two default settings.

“Should I go?” You ask, standing up and reaching for your laptop.

“No!” Karkat comes a hair’s width away from grabbing your sleeve, but snatches his hand back at the last minute. “Well you can if you want, but I don’t – it’s not what I want.”

The face he gives you after saying that is possibly the saddest thing you’ve ever seen. He looks embarrassed and miserable and angry all at the same time, like a kid who did something dumb and was just scolded for it, even though they already know that it was wrong.

“I do get it you know,” You say, sitting down opposite him on your own bed, “there was a girl I liked in secondary school, but she rejected me in no time flat, so afterwards I just went for whoever would put up with me. I didn’t even like my first proper ‘girlfriend’, she was a complete bitch to everyone including me, but she had a nice arse.” You shrug. “Sometimes you just don’t want to feel alone, even if that means goin’ for someone you normally wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, but I’m _dating your brother_ ,” He says the last three words very slowly, as if you hadn’t understood them earlier, “I didn’t just rebound onto a straight guy, I almost cheated on my boyfriend with him.”

You chew on your lip as you think of an answer. “I won’t say anythin’,” You offer up eventually, “an I won’t mention it even between us if you don’t want me to.”

He finally meets your gaze, letting out a deep breath before he speaks, “Are we still friends?”

“A course.” You didn’t even need to think about that answer.

What you will need to think about however, is the fact that you almost kissed another guy and you were pretty sure that you were going to enjoy it, even though you’ve spent your whole life convinced that you liked girls. Ugh, you’re not going to get to sleep tonight are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about a lot of different scenarios for how this would go, but I think this one works well. Hopefully you agree!
> 
> Also, I was going to call the chapter 'how have you been for the last half a decade?' But decided to go with the feelsy name instead. Just some trivia for you.


	7. My lips are sealed

You don't sleep that night. Or the one after it. You're too preoccupied with lying awake until gone midnight, replaying your 'moment' with Karkat at least two dozen times over. You've been thinking a lot about what went through your mind then. How you were equal parts eager and afraid, how you don't actually remember any of your exact thoughts but just a jumbled mess of emotions, how Karkat smelled like chocolate and you bet he would have tasted like it too... Fuck. Whenever you try to have a serious think about this you always go back to things like that, your mind wandering into inappropriate territory almost every time without fail.

Then when you finally do fall asleep, only to wake up at 3am with an enthusiastic libido and a ruined pair of Calvin Klein’s, you decide it's time to stop thinking about Karkat whilst you're trying to sleep. It'd be lovely to just blame your hormones and forget about it, but your heat cycle was only last month so there's no way it's that. You're almost too embarrassed to talk to him the next morning, worried that you'd given some vocal hints about the nature of your dream – which you don't even remember and you're not sure if that's a good or bad thing. But from the way he calls you out on your 'dumb stripy fucking hipster pants' and then splits a pastie with you at lunch, you're guessing you didn't, because Karkat seems the type of guy who wouldn't let something like that slide.

You find yourself looking at other guys differently, trying to see if you find anything attractive about them, beyond the usual 'I can appreciate your appearance and I'd like to look like that' sort of feeling. Unfortunately, you end up unintentionally focussing on Sollux, since he's the one you see the most of. You guess his eyes are... Interesting, in a freaky sort of way – you'd thought it was just his glasses but he does in fact have one red eye and one blue eye. He's as flat as a board from behind so that's a 3/10 at best. His pointed ears are kind of cute though. Ugh, you almost gag just admitting that to yourself – even if he looked like a God, Sollux would be last on your list of potential dates.

If you’re being honest, your hostility towards him did start with the fact that he’s dating Feferi, but now you’re pretty sure that you’d want to punch him regardless of his girlfriend’s presence in the equation. Then he gets up to grab a drink for her, and you can't help watching him as he leaves the room. Okay, maybe you'll give his ass a 5/10; it does look nice in those skinny jeans. Tavros wheels himself in after returning from shopping with Rose. You can't score his rear – obviously – but you guess he's got a pretty face to make up for it. God knows he's going to need one, because there's no way he'll ever charm anyone by talking to them.

Miss Lalonde is stunning as always, with her plump, bow-shaped lips painted glossy black, and a butt that you won't score because it's rude to judge a woman on her appearance. But if you _had_ to, it would be at least an 8.5. Maybe a 9. Kanaya is one lucky lady. Then you look back at Feferi; the way locks of hair frame her tanned face like ornate gold around a work of art, falling in soft curls across her shoulders and down over her breasts, reminiscent of the old paintings of Venus in an oyster shell. Okay, good, your hormones seem to appreciate that mental that image, so you definitely still like girls.

Maybe you're into both like Cro? You guess there isn't a lot of difference between guys and girls when you really think about it, just body shape and even then there's some over-lap. As if on cue, Kankri joins you all in the living room, brown pants hugging his somewhat feminine figure, or at least the parts of it that aren't hidden under his sweater. The eldest Vantas escapes your appraisal; he's too close to Karkat for you to feel comfortable thinking about him that way, and not just in terms of their family tree.

You've directly avoided trying to figure out if you like Karkat _specifically_ , rather just using him as a basis for your closest experience to getting intimate with another guy. Which sounds horrible, you know, but it's what's stopping you from making an idiot of yourself every time you get within a couple of feet of him. Maybe that means you do like him? But he's dating Cronus so even if you did, it wouldn't matter. It's as if you're doomed to only like girls – uh, people now you guess – who are already taken; Feferi and Sollux are together, Aradia has Equius, Rose is with Kanaya, Vriska's dating John - you both envy and pity the poor boy - and now there’s Karkat and Cronus.

You sigh and drop your head against the back of the sofa. Growing up sucks, you thought you were done with stupid teenage crushes when you turned 20, but apparently your brain hates you enough to make you go through it all over again with the other gender. Actually, how didn't you notice this before? You try to recall a time when you might have fancied a guy but your memories draw up blank. Maybe you were embarrassed and did that thing where you block it out until you can't actually remember that it happened?

"Eridan?"

This is so stupid, what's the point of puberty if it doesn't even get all of your shit sorted out by the time it's over?

"Eridaaan?"

This is really not what you imagined your first year - nay, your first _week_ \- at college to be like.

"Hey Fuckfathe!"

You snap to attention and find Sollux Captor waving his hand in front of you, face twisted into a scowl that Karkat would be proud of.

"What?" You bite out, frowning at him with your nose scrunched up.

"FF hath been trying to talk to you athhole, get your fucking head out of the clouds, Jethuth." He huffs and slumps back into his seat, legs stretched out in front of him.

What a prick. You just _know_ that he's going to try and trip you up later. But that's not important right now, what is important is that you were accidentally ignoring Feferi. Oops.

"Sorry Fef," You give her your most apologetic face with the big puppy-dog eyes, "what were you talkin' about?"

She pouts for a moment, then smiles, "I was asking how you're getting along with Karcrab, because to me you seem like two dolphins in a pod."

She giggles at her own pun, which you have to admit was good enough to earn a chuckle from you too. She’s so cute when she laughs. For a moment you’re about to tell her how you and Karkat already knew each other, but then decide against it. The others may have left already, but Sollux is still here, and since he’s Karkat's friend it’s Karkat’s job to tell him.

“Yeah it’s nice havin’ a roommate, even if he does leave his shit all over his side a the room.”

“Wow, three dayth and you’re already complaining? Talk about high-maintenanthe.”

You shoot Sollux a glare, “I wasn’t talkin’ to _you_.”

“Could’ve fooled me, conthidering how fathinated you’ve been with my ath today.”

It’s as if someone set your blood on fire and then pumped it all up into your face. You furrow your brows, jaw clenched as you borderline growl at him, desperately trying to think of a decent retort and praying that it won’t come out in the voice of your twelve-year-old self.

“Sollux please,” Feferi says calmly, “I am trying to have a conversation.”

“I wath jutht making an obthervation.”

You can’t hold in a scoff, “Then I guess your glasses ain’t workin’ properly.”

“Maybe it’th _your_ glatheth that are the problem, theeing ath your grammar ‘ _ain’t workin’ properly_ ’ either.”

“That doesn’t even make any fuckin’ sense.”

“Your _fathe_ don’t make thenthe!”

“Boys!” Feferi is on her feet and standing between you before you can even open your mouth to reply, “That is _enough_. I won’t have you arguing when Eridan hasn’t even been here for a whole week yet.”

“Tho I can tell him what a dick he ith tomorrow?”

“Oh fuck off! You’ve known me for like four days, what gives you the right ta’ say that?”

“Four dayth have given me plently of reathonth, trutht me.”

“ _One_ was enough for me.”

“Wow tho you’ve hated yourthelf thinthe you were a day old? I almotht feel thorry for you.”

 _Fuckin’ shit bollocks fuck! He always has a fuckin’ answer for fuckin’ everythin’! What an insufferable flat-arsed prick!_ You revoke your earlier score, he’s definitely no more than a 3/10.

“If you want someone to pity I suggest lookin’ in a mirror.” Dammit, you wish you’d thought of that a few seconds earlier.

Feferi looks to be at the end of her tether, but as much as you feel sorry for her, you don’t regret this argument one bit; four days of silent hatred needed to go somewhere after all.

“Alright ladies break it up, I don’t fancy explaining to Kankri why his dorm has dropped two dead weights and the room’s décor now involves purple and yellow.”

Karkat is leaning against the doorway with an expression of pure disapproval, a helmet under one arm and a leather jacket draped across the other. Oh yeah, he’s going out with Cro today, joy of joys.

“It’th called airing out our differentheth KK.” Sollux stands up and snatches Karkat’s helmet from him.

“Hey!” Karkat lunges for it, but he’s short enough that Sollux can easily hold it out of arm’s reach.

“Thepeaking of airing out, did you even clean thith thing after Ampora gave it to you?” He puts one hand on Karkat’s forehead so that he can examine the helmet more closely, “I mean there’th got to be _at leatht_ a two thentimetre layer of hair gel in there.”

Karkat slaps Sollux’s hand away and then kicks him in the shin, grabbing the helmet without a shred of compassion for his friend. Is it wrong that seeing him kick Sollux makes you like Karkat even more? Probably, but you don’t really care.

“Stop being a dick,” Karkat tells his still wincing friend, “I’m making dinner tonight remember? It would be oh so easy for me to ‘accidentally’ tip a whole bottle of hotsauce into your chilli.”

Sollux stops rubbing his leg and straightens up, “What, tho I can show everyone my amathing tolerance for thpicy food? You’re tho thoughtful KK.”

“You have the tolerance of a fucking kitten Captor.”

“Hey have you theen the one that walkth on cactutheth? I’d thay kittenth are pretty tough.”

“Only a literal turd burger like you would use that as example; cactuses and ghost chilies aren’t even on the same level.”

“Oh like you’d know, you prethiouth little flower.”

The doorbell rings but neither of them seem to hear it and Feferi is too busy trying to discipline her boyfriend, so it falls to you to answer the door.

Oh Cod _, why_.

Your brother is standing on the other side in his biker leathers, with his dyed black hair practically caked in product and an _unlit_ cigarette pinched between his lips. You are not surprised with his appearance in the slightest. He doesn’t even smoke that often, but for some reason he feels the need to broadcast the fact that he smokes by having one of those cancer sticks in his mouth at _all times_ , even if he’s not actually using it for anything other than a poor attempt at accessorising. Honestly, just wear a scarf or a watch or something.

“Mornin’ Danny.”

You cringe, “Don’t call me that.”

“Awv c’mon champ, don’t be like that.”

He tries to ruffle your hair, but you step back to dodge it. This magnificent wave of locks took you an entire hour to tame this morning, and he is _not_ ruining it.

At this, he drops the ‘nice big brother’ attitude, “Fine, I ain’t here for you anyvway, is little Vantas around?”

“Yep, all set.” Karkat says, evidently having finished his argument with Sollux.

He strides past both of you, jumps down the steps and marches over to perch himself on Cro’s motorbike. Jeez, he does _not_ look old enough to be on the back of that thing. At least Cronus has made sure he’s wearing all the right gear you suppose.

“You know he’s only usin’ you as a rebound right?” You mutter as Karkat faffs with his jacket.

You’re not saying that to discredit him, just to try and warn Cro off, because you really don’t like the idea of them being together, especially if neither of them are even all that into it. Wow, you sound like a jealous ex don’t you? Or maybe an over protective friend. Yeah, that sounds better.

“Yeah, an’ I don’t care, vwe’re just hawvin a bit of fun.”

“Not sure Kankri would be very happy to hear that.” You say, examining your nails and then looking over your glasses at him. He hates it when you do that.

“Vwhich is vwhy you’re gonna be a good little brother an’ keep this betvween us.” There’s the hint of a threat in his tone, but you’ve learned that he rarely means it.

Time to earn your keep.

“Hmm, well I’d be a lot more inclined to stay quiet about this if I had a new scarf to brag about.” You say, as if you’re just thinking aloud.

He sighs and whips out his wallet, grabbing a note and holding it out to you, “Go on, take it.”

Ten bucks? That wouldn’t even get you a bandana at the boutique down the road. You frown and pretend to contemplate his offer, tapping your foot with a hand curled against your chin. Then just as Cronus looks like he’s about to blow a fuse, you say, “Make it twenty an’ we got a deal.”

“Fine, fine, ya thiewvin little shitbag.” He scrunches the note up and takes out another, shoving them at you with a glare.

“Why thank you dearest brother.” You say, swiping the money from his hand.

“Nowv keep yer mouth shut alright?”

“My lips are sealed.” You reply, satisfied enough with your payment to give him a smile.

You wouldn’t have said anything anyway, seeing as Karkat’s already asked you not to and you promised him in a heartbeat. But getting a new scarf to reward yourself couldn’t hurt.

Cronus rolls his eyes and walks away, putting his helmet on – gently so as not to mess up his hair – before mounting the hideous chrome beast. Yet another terrible 21st birthday decision for an Ampora. The colour you mean, not the bike. The bike is actually pretty cool. Not that you’ll ever tell Cronus of course; as far as he’s concerned, you think it’s a noisy, smelly heap of shit. Karkat waves to you as the engine roars to life, and you wave back until they’re gone in a cloud of smoke. Jesus, Cro needs to get that thing serviced by someone _other_ than the Zahhak brothers, aka someone actually qualified to work on a vehicle that has a real engine and isn’t the size of a cat.

Kankri comes through the back door just in time to miss you closing the front one and pocketing your money.

“Was that Cronus I heard driving away just now?” He asks, peering out of the window – thankfully Karkat and your brother are out of sight by now.

“Yeah he just came over to give me somethin’.” You reply as you put on your shoes.

“Honestly he needs to get that engine seen to, it sounds as if it is about to give out at any minute, not to mention that it could trigger someone's asthma with all the disgusting smoke it puts out.”

“Yeah it’s a real piece of sh- uh trash.” You correct yourself at the last minute, remembering Karkat’s warning that Kankri just _loves_ to give lectures about foul language.

He eyes you for a moment, but decides not to say anything. Phew.

“Well I’ll see you later.” You grab your coat and head out, only giving him time to say ‘bye’ before you close the door behind you.

Now, let’s see about that new scarf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay time for a lesson in Troll/Human biology! (Particularly Eridan's comment that girls and guys aren't that different);
> 
> \- I'm going to go with the background story that HIC tried to conquer earth thousands of years ago, but couldn't rule it completely so ended up just making these weird human/troll hybrids - that didn't work how she wanted - and then abandoning the planet, leaving her new 'subjects' to fend for themselves. She also conveniently erased all of this from their history, so they think they just evolved/were made this way and still call themselves humans.  
> \- They appear mostly human, with human skin tones, hair colours, teeth, life spans and human whites of their eyes.  
> \- The troll part comes into play with their blood colour, which is reflected in their eyes, with a few exceptions (e.g. The Captors) and has a very minor impact on their base line core body temperature.  
> \- They also have the whole xeno thing going on downstairs (aka the fanon tentabulges and nooks) which is shared by both genders, except guys generally have larger bulges and smaller nooks, whilst girls are generally the other way around. That's what gives them the human disposition to heterosexuality, but being gay/lesbian or bi is more common in a similar way to trolls.  
> \- The mother grub never existed, and these troll/humans now have heat cycles or 'seasons' where they - regardless of gender - gain the ability to breed, but pregnancy (usually) only happens under certain circumstances. Pails (distinct from buckets) are still used sometimes, especially when you don't want to accidentally make your partner pregnant.  
> \- Offspring will inherit their blood colour from one parent (not necessarily the one who carried them), and it will no longer correspond to a sign, with zodiacs maintaining their human meaning of the time of year that you are born in.  
> \- All of the above also extends to the canonically human characters, who's blood colour is in the same range as their typing colour; Jade and Jake are green, John is indigo, Jane is teal, Roxy is fuchsia, Rose is purple, Dirk is bronze and Dave is red - like, Karkat red.  
> \- Speaking of Karkat, his blood colour is only considered as rare as fuchsia - which doesn't just have one per generation - and he's not stigmatised for being a 'mutant freak' because it's just another colour on the spectrum.  
> \- A spectrum that was abolished years ago and is basically the same as skin colour now, aka only really huge super duper assholes discriminate people for it.  
> \- Blood colours don't give you abilities, so Sollux isn't a psionic and Vriska can't mind control people.  
> \- Sea-dwellers also aren't a thing, but I've tried to keep the Amporas and Peixes nautically themed regardless.  
> \- Oh and Feferi and Meenah are from Australia, just FYI.
> 
> It's not even funny how long I spent contemplating this. I clearly have no life. I'll put in the end notes where to find this info like I did with who lives where.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :3c


	8. Captain Ampurra and Miss Catnip

Retail therapy is a load of horseshit, cooked up by the media to pump money out of unsuspecting, troubled customers who naively think that buying something new will make all of their old problems go away. This is what you conclude, after the satisfaction of feeling your brand new alpaca wool scarf sitting around your neck wares off less than twenty-four hours after you buy it. You’ve tried to be okay with being single, you really have, but the time has come to admit something so horribly pathetic that you want to wash your whole brain out with soap.

You’re lonely.

You are a lonely, miserable loser, who can’t even decide what team he wants to play for, so he ends up on the side-lines as a spare whilst everyone else – except Kankri, but he’s celibate so that doesn’t count – finds someone to mark, with the act of marking in your far-fetched analogy meaning rubbing their relationship in your face by doing all of that lovey-dovey, kiss-and-cuddle shit on the living room sofa. And by the front door. And in the hallways. And at the back of the lecture theatre.

Oh, and let’s not forget tongue-fucking each other’s faces behind the canteen. Really not what you needed to see your brother and your best friend doing right after eating lunch. You wanted to break Cro’s nose when he just winked at you and made Karkat squeak by grabbing a handful of his ass. At least he didn’t mention it you suppose – Karkat would have been _mortified_. You’re so glad that your media lecturer just put on a movie that day and shushed anyone who even sneezed, because you really didn’t trust yourself not to blurt out something stupid in the midst of Karkat talking about romcoms.

So in conclusion; lonely, single, tired. These are the three words dominating your life right now. But – yes, there is a but to all of this whining – you refuse to let it stay that way. You are _going_ to get a date this week. Really, how hard can it be? You live between a frat house and a sorority; those kinds of people are always looking to pull. All you need is to turn on the charm and preferably pick someone who isn’t already in a relationship – you may be getting desperate, but you’re not about to be a homewrecker. At least not yet. No, no, that’s wrong, you saw what it did to Karkat and you never want to inflict that on anyone else. Not even Sollux.

“Now, let’s talk tactics.”

Aradia’s words fit in oddly well with your inner monologue, but she’s not talking about relationships. She places a few cards on the game board in front of you, joining the ones that Nepeta and Tavros have already arranged there. You are currently at your first role-play club meeting, and having missed the first one last week, you’re still getting used to the scenario. You’ve played _Dungeons and Dragons_ before though, so it’s easy enough to pick up what you’re supposed to be doing. Terezi isn’t here – you’re kind of thankful for that – so the others were more than happy to have you join their team. You quickly found out why, when ‘Dungeon Master Mindfang’ (aka Vriska wearing an eyepatch and a dumb spider web coat) stalked into the room and took her seat.

It’s customary that everyone dresses up, so you brought a bunch of jewellery and then picked a purple cape from the costume department. Turns out that it makes you look like a Pirate Prince from the world that you’re playing in, which is a title that you’ve taken quite a liking to. Aradia walked you through setting up your character, and before long you were joining them on a raid in a seaside cave, having spotted their party when you rowed ashore.

“Do you still have your ring of detection Captain Ampurra?” Nepeta asks, purring in character with her feline warrior persona.

“Why yes I do,” you reply, placing the card on the board, “do you believe this area to be trapped Miss Catnip?”

“Indeed, my hunter senses are sure of it.”

You proceed to use your RING OF DETECTION – the card typeface is in all caps – and, much to Vriska’s annoyance, discover a myriad of traps in the first two rooms. The crew artfully dodges around them, and Nepeta gives you a high-five that almost breaks your fingers, but it’s sweet all the same. You team up with her when the group splits at a fork in the road, your ruthlessness and tactical abilities matching her instincts and sneaking prowess so perfectly, that you actually have time to stop for a break whilst you wait for Tavros and Aradia catch up.

You defeat Vriska’s – frankly meagre – forces together, driving her to retreat and giving you your first loot box of the campaign. It’s their second win, but you’re such an asset to the party that it surely won’t be their last. Nepeta seems impressed with you, too. Perhaps you should ask her out? She likes cat puns, you like fish puns, you’re both into RPGs, she’s pretty cute with that choppy, orange hair that flicks up around her neck. Although maybe she’d think that was creepy, seeing as she met you last week. It can’t hurt to try though, as long as you’re careful with your wording.

“Hey Nep,” You say, waiting to gauge her opinion of the nickname, and then continuing when she just looks up at you and tilts her head, “I was thinkin’ that maybe, if you’re free later, you might want to hang out for a bit? You could talk me through some more a this campaign, give me the lore and whatnot.”

Fucking hell, what are you saying? Who uses ‘whatnot’ anymore?

“Yeah that sounds fun,” She replies, “I know this _really_ nice café that we could go to.”

 _Oh my God she said yes_. _She actually said_ _yes_. But the café setting has got to go – you’ve got something much better in mind.

“Great, but I was thinkin’ more along the lines of that seafood place down the road, you know the one that looks like a surf shop?”

“Oh,” Suddenly her voice is all small and you’re wondering if this was actually a good idea or not, “yeah I know the place. So, would it be dinner?”

“Yeah, if you’re okay with that.”

“S-sure.” She takes a deep breath, then smiles up at you.

“Don’t worry, it’s not fancy,” You reassure her, slightly regretting your decision to bypass the café, “you can just wear what you’re wearin’ now, ‘cept minus the cat tail maybe.”

She giggles – that’s a good sign right? – and nods, passing you the game box so that you can put it on top of the shelf.

***

You arrive at the diner ten minutes early for your ‘hang out’ – date – that’s scheduled for six-thirty. You would have waited a bit longer, but if you’d stayed in your room through dinner, Kankri would have started asking questions, so you left the dorm at six and took a detour through the park to kill some time. Then as you glance at your watch for the umpteenth time, a truck pulls up opposite you and – _holy shit_ there is the biggest guy you have ever seen driving that thing. He opens the door – how did it not break? – and walks around to the passenger side, holding out an arm to steady Nepeta as she jumps onto the road. She looks like a fucking twig next to him, he _must_ be taller than you, and you’re nearly six foot so _wow_ that’s big.

He walks Nepeta to the pavement, taking a nice few seconds to glare at you, before he bends down for a hug and then gets back in the truck. But he doesn’t leave. Is he really going to sit there the whole time? Who is he, Nepeta’s fucking guard dog? She seems just as annoyed as you are, putting one hand on her hip whilst making ‘shoo’ motions with the other. The man frowns, then starts the engine, and Nepeta is all sweetness and nice again as she waves and blows him a kiss.

“Sorry about that,” She says, a light olive dusting her cheeks, “my friend Equius is a bit… Protective.”

You swallow back the lump of fear in your throat – yes, Equius genuinely scared you – and smile, “Don’t worry, I think it’s sweet.”

Alright, that’s one lie tonight. Let’s try not to let any more slip, shall we Eridan?

She chuckles, walking with you into the diner. It was pretty dark outside, but you’re still not sure how you missed the metal cat ears perched on her head, blue and green jewels nestled amongst the silver curling like ivy within the triangles. You briefly glance down to check for a tail, breathing a sigh of relief when the only thing hanging behind her is a bandana from the back pocket of her shorts. Shorts in this weather? She's brave. You pick a nice booth with plush seats, making witty comments about the decor as you peruse the menu. Nepeta finds it particularly hilarious when you point out that someone has shoved a coaster over the nose of a stuffed swordfish, but composes herself when the waiter comes to take your orders.

You go for the battered cod and potato fries because you’re dying to see what an American fish and chips tastes like, and Nepeta picks the salmon. You compliment her choice and then move on to drinks.

She stifles a giggle, managing to say “I’ll have a big hooter please.” with a moderately straight face.

“Of course, but that drink contains alcohol so I’ll need to see some identification” The waiter responds, giving her a look that says ‘why couldn’t you have just asked for water?’

Nepeta frowns, “I’m twenty-one.”

“And I still need to see your ID.”

“But I go to college here.”

“Then your college card will do.”

“I…” She glances at you, “I don’t have it with me.”

“Then I’m afraid you’ll have to pick something else.”

“I’ve got mine,” you say, procuring a card from the pocket of your waistcoat, “so I’ll have the drink, _and_ a student discount on our meal please.”

“I’m sorry sir, you can’t order alcoholic drinks for someone that might be a minor unless you are their parent or legal guardian, but the discount still stands,” He takes your card and swipes it through the machine in his hands, then passes it back to you and turns to Nepeta, “please choose a soft drink from our selection mam.”

You’re on the verge of arguing with him, when you catch Nepeta mouth the words ‘its fine’ at you, before saying, “A cherry lemonade then please” in a tone far too polite for the waiter’s attitude.

“Orange juice.” You say, adding a reluctant ‘thank you’ as he takes your menus.

“You’re not going to drink?” Nepeta asks.

“Nah, I’m not really one for alcohol.”

She seems almost grateful to hear you say that, finally relaxing against the back of her seat. You stick to the original plan to begin with, and she’s still telling you about all of the characters’ backstories when your drinks arrive. Then after the waiter serves your meals, you do the polite thing and ask about her life. You find out that she’s an art major, and succeed in hiding your non-existent surprise when she explains her coursework to you.

“We had to use symbols, so I thought why not take the ones on playing cards and assign them to relationships?” She explains, “I’ve made hearts romantic love, diamonds platonic love, like super best friends, spades romantic hate, like in movies when two people are enemies but then they make out all the time, and clubs are kind of platonic love and hate combined, like when someone has two friends and they both hate each other but they want them to be friends too.”

You don’t really get what she’s saying – how does ‘romantic hate’ even work outside of fiction? – but you nod and tell her that it sounds fascinating, like a good date should. Then somehow she works the conversation onto the topic of Karkat – of all people – and you find even less reasons to talk. In spite of saying that she knows he’s into guys, her crush on him couldn’t be more obvious if she painted the declaration on her bedroom wall, and then posted a selfie of herself in front of it with the caption ‘Future Mrs Vantas’.

In short, you very quickly realise that she isn’t looking for a relationship. Which is honestly okay with you; Nep is a lovely girl and you did actually have a good time with her tonight, but the attraction just isn’t there, or not there enough to make the grounds of a decent relationship anyway. You say goodbye to her once Equius arrives to pick her up, exchanging a hug that conveys the mutual agreement of ‘this was nice but we should stay friends’. You suppose it wasn’t even a date in the first place, since neither of you ever said that word specifically.

On the way home, you start thinking that maybe being single isn’t so bad. You don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone else, and you can hang out with whoever you want without incurring the wrath of your jealous partner. Yeah, maybe single is fine. You’re feeling considerably happier than earlier when you jog up the stairs to your dorm room, finally content with the completely void state of your love life. That is until you walk in and find Karkat practically doing the splits on your bedroom floor, casually tapping away on his laptop, and all sorts of thoughts about how he got that flexible run through your head.

You push them back and clear your throat, “Kar, what in the name a fuck are you doin’?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So update. Much fast. I have no idea where this chapter came from, I literally pulled it out of my ass in about four hours, but I'm pleasantly surprised with how it turned out. Who knew that EriNep could actually be sort of cute?
> 
> Also yes, Nepeta did just invent the quadrants system.


	9. Acceptance

“Choosing a movie on Netflix.”

Karkat doesn’t even look up as he replies, just continues scanning his eyes over the screen whilst sitting – can it even be called sitting? – in that rather uncomfortable-looking position. Well, uncomfortable from your perspective, Karkat seems to be just fine with his elbows resting on the floor, only a few inches away from his knees.

“Okay, but I meant why are you doin’ it like _that_?” You gesture to his splayed legs, “How are you not in fuckin’ agony?”

He straightens up, as graceful as a swan, and stretches his arms above his head, before letting them come to rest on his thighs. You can’t help but follow their movement, your eyes drawn to places that you’ve really tried to avoid looking at. He’s not as curvy as Kankri, but there’s still a layer of stubborn puppy-pudge visible under his jeans, probably his t-shirt too if there wasn’t an oversized hoodie covering everything.

“It’s this thing called flexibility,” He says, “I didn’t want to become one of those poor saps who can’t even touch their fucking toes.”

You take personal – and probably intended – offense to that comment, and promptly stop admiring him, “Not everyone can touch their toes Kar, an’ I’m sure even _less_ people can do whatever the fuck you’re doin’.”

“If you _must_ know, I just had a dance class and we’re supposed to stretch afterwards to bring our mind and body back to a balanced state, or some hippie bullshit like that. I just do it because I can and it’s more comfortable than trying to balance my waste of space laptop on my knees whilst it charges.” He tugs at the lead connecting his computer to the inconveniently placed wall socket a couple of feet away.

Suddenly you don’t care about the flexibility debate, “You dance? What kind?”

The points of his cheeks flush red, followed quickly by the bridge of his nose, “Uhm, just y’know,” he shrugs, “regular fitness dancing, or whatever they call it. It was Terezi’s idea.” He adds in a mumble.

“Oh, I see.”

You decide against pressing him for further answers, no matter how curious you are. If he’s acting this shy about it, then he’d probably flip his shit if you asked again, plus it involves Terezi so that’s double the available shit to capsize.

But as usual, Karkat’s vague answer only leads to your mind filling in the blanks in the most inappropriate way possible, no matter how hard you tell it to _mind its own Goddamn business and kindly fuck off to another section of your grey matter_. But it doesn’t listen, so the result is that your brain decides Karkat is learning pole dancing or something, and the more you accidentally think about it, the easier you find it to imagine him upside down on a pole, with his legs wrapped around it in a pair of those tiny shorts and – woah, woah, woah, stop there. You said you wouldn’t do this, no more thinking about your roommate like that, especially when he’s _right in front of you_.

You quickly drop your bag and sit down next to him – cross-legged mind you, you’re not made of fucking rubber like he apparently is, “Have you picked a film yet?”

As he pulls his knees up to his chest, you hear a quiet _pop_ and try not to cringe, but Karkat doesn’t seem to notice.

“I was thinking an officer and a gentleman,” He admits quietly, “I know it’s old but I haven’t actually seen it before.”

Of course he’d pick a romance movie. You remember sitting up for hours with him whilst he gave you very detailed recommendations of which films to watch – all of which would be cliché and have a sickeningly happy ending for at least one couple – and if you hadn’t at least attempted to sit through them by the end of the week, he would give you a page-long rant and another selection.

“Can’t say I have either.” You ponder aloud, genuinely trying to think if you actually remember watching it.

You think the answer is no, but even if it wasn’t, there’s no time to backtrack before Karkat opens his mouth again.

“Oh yeah?” He pulls his sleeves down over his hands, eyes darting around the room in between quick glances at your face, “Well I was going to use my headphones, but I could not, and then you could watch too if you want. Just don’t blame me if it’s shittier than the reviews say it is.”

That has to be possibly the most awkward way of asking someone to watch a film with you. But there’s no way you could even think about saying no.

“Sure, and I will absolutely blame you; you’re my movie connoisseur, aren’t you supposed to know everythin’?”

He smirks, “Go get the food, asshole, I’ll set up here.”

You grab a bowl and some marshmallows because they’re the only snacks you have around – duty-free sweets strike again – whilst Karkat makes a pile on the floor out of your duvets and cushions. He tries a few options of laptop placement, eventually deciding on a stack of your combined text book collections. There’s enough room for you to each have your own space, but as the movie starts, you start gravitating towards the centre of the screen, only the bowl keeping you separated. Then you accidentally brush your hand against Karkat’s as you reach into it, and both of you jump as if you’re watching a horror film.

You mutter a “sorry” and put some distance between you, not looking at Karkat’s face when he quietly tells you that “it’s fine.”

You put all of your efforts into concentrating on the film from that point onwards, if only just to avoid thinking about what a fucking indecisive idiot you are. It’s actually not bad for a romance flick, and the ending is sweet if a little predictable. You swear that you see Karkat wiping away a tear as the credits begin to roll, but you don’t say anything.

Then after re-making your bed and falling asleep far easier than you expected, you discover just how much your brain hates you. Karkat plays the role of Paula in your dream, and you are a dashing portrayal of Zackary, sweeping him off of his feet and out of that dingy factory. It’s romantic and lovely and you absolutely hate it, because when you wake up and see Karkat sleeping opposite you, a smile creeps onto your face and just for a moment you want to get up and kiss him good morning. Then he opens his eyes and you squeeze yours shut with the vain hope that he didn’t see the way you were looking at him.

When you finally stop being of the opinion that you are about to drop dead from embarrassment, you cautiously open one eye, relieved to see that Karkat has his back to you. Maybe you just imagined him looking at you. Yeah, that’s it, it was just another part of your dream. There is one thing that definitely was not part of it though, and that is the undeniable fact that you have to finally admit to yourself; you have a crush on Karkat. You fancy your roommate, your brother’s boyfriend, a gay guy who thinks that you’re his straight-as-an-arrow best friend from the internet. You tried to deny it, you got angry at the universe for making this happen, you tried to talk yourself out of it, and you don’t really remember having a depression stage, but you guess you’re on the fifth stage now of acceptance. Acceptance of what though, you’re not quite sure.

Yes, you like Karkat, there’s no arguing that now, but what does that mean in the bigger scheme of things? Are you actually bisexual or is it just particular guys? Do you have a ‘type’ that sort of crosses genders? Is it just Karkat and you only had those thoughts about Sollux because you were forcing yourself? You pull the duvet over your head. This is way too much to think about on a Tuesday morning. A tiny voice is making the completely ludicrous suggestion of asking Cronus about this, which in theory would work, but you know it won’t in practice because a, you don’t even know how you’d ask, b, it’s Cronus, enough said, and c, because it’s Cronus, he’ll ask which guy you have a crush on and won’t stop until he hounds it out of you that it’s his boyfriend, at which point he’ll make a big deal out of it and then _everyone_ will know.

No. You can’t ask Cronus. That leaves an approximate number of _zero_ people as your other options. The internet it is then. You don’t have any classes this morning, so you wait until Karkat leaves for his, then pull out your laptop, open up Google and… That’s as far as you get. You close the lid with a sigh and flop back against your cushions. What are you even supposed to search? _‘How do you know if you’re bi’_? _‘I thought I was straight but I like guys now’_? _‘I have a crush on my best friend what the fuck do I do’_?

God, you’re such an _idiot_.

You spend the morning moping around in bed, only dragging yourself up to grab breakfast and receive a lecture from Kankri about how you should be dressed by now. Yeah, thanks, you fucking know that already. You leave off your new scarf when you finally pull on some clothes. It reminds you too much of how you’ve tried to avoid all of this, how much of a loser you’ve been. That’s what you are really; a loser. You missed all of your chances with this boy because you were too busy worrying, and you haven’t even sorted your shit out properly but it’s already too late.

Karkat knows that something’s up. He keeps giving you these looks, like you’re trying to smuggle a knife through customs and he keeps catching glimpses of it in your pocket. That’s what it feels like, this huge messed-up secret; it’s like a knife just waiting to cut through and spill all of your deepest thoughts. You can feel it jabbing at your stomach whenever the emotions bubble to the surface, wedging itself in your chest each time you catch Karkat’s eyes, pulling at your heartstrings like he’s got a magnet in his hands. You wish it would just do some fucking damage, pierce a lung or something, give you an excuse to be anywhere but here. But it won’t, because this imaginary knife is just a dumb metaphor that you’ve made up to represent your feelings. Maybe you should be taking an English degree instead of History.

***

“Alright,” Karkat plops down on your bed after dinner two nights later, arms folded and a determined scowl on his face, “I’m going to ask what’s wrong, and you are going to sit there and tell me why you’ve started being a moody, antisocial jackass who lives in his room. You’re not going to deny it because I know that something’s up, and even if you don’t want to talk to me about it, I refuse to be lied to. _And_ , if you can’t talk to me about it, I’m going to find you someone that you _can_ talk to. Now for the love of God, what the fuck is bothering you?”

Your mouth falls open, but the words are so delayed that all you manage to say is “What?”

Karkat grits his teeth and makes this frustrated little noise, “You! Nobody’s seen you lately except for food and classes, you haven’t talked to anyone even though I know you love the sound of your own voice, especially if it’s spouting about your wild, exotic adventures, and you’ve been wearing the same pair of pants for like three days now. What fucking gives?”

Still dazed by his first rant, this one steals your ability to speak completely, so all you can do is look around helplessly, trying to avoid his gaze.

“Fine, be quiet, but I’m going to sit here all the same.” He pulls his legs up and turns around to face away from you.

Why is he so upset about this? It’s you who’s got the problem and even you’re not that bothered about it.

Maybe...

Maybe if he’s willing to listen… You could ask Karkat about this? He must have been through something similar right? Or maybe he didn’t and he’ll think you’re being a presumptuous douche for asking. Wait, no, it’s the same problem as with Cronus; he’ll want to know why you’re asking and then no matter how much you lie, he’ll figure out that it’s because of him.

You can’t ask Karkat.

“I’m just homesick,” You say to the back of his head, “usually I’m busy when I travel, but I’ve got time to think about stuff here and, and I’m just missin’ home.” You try to make it as convincing as possible using the real emotions you have bottled up.

“You’re lying.” He speaks without turning around, “That is a load of shit and you know it, you never once got homesick in the whole five years that we used to talk, and quite frankly you’re a terrible liar.” Then he shifts his body a little, looking at you over his shoulder, “But I’m not going to force you to tell me the real reason. Just know that I’ll listen if you need me to.”

He gets up and goes into the bathroom, and a few moments later you hear the shower running. Fuck, he knew. He probably figured out that you were going to lie before you even said anything. It’s times like these that you remember Karkat isn’t a stranger; his appearance may be yes, but everything else about him is pure CG, the one person who knows more about you than anyone else, even your own family.

You can trust him with this right? You can trust him not to ask questions, just give you straight up advice. Okay, wrong wording. But the principle is the same, and he’s the only one you can talk to about this who won’t judge you or go around telling everyone.

You’ve got to do it. You’ve got to ask Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I severely overestimated how long it would take for me to get to this point. I've only passed a week and a half I think so far? But like... The beginning said two months so uh... Yeah. Might have to stretch this out a bit. But I'll do it as best I can. Not like it'll make a difference to you guys because you don't know what I've got planned, but it might delay updates a bit.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!


	10. Want to test it?

You don’t ask Karkat.

There are plenty of times when you could have asked him. During media when you had to look at the rise of same-sex couples in films, you could have slipped in a quick and completely contextual ‘ _so, how did you know you liked guys_?’ as you do research on his laptop in your room. But you didn’t. When you’re stressed about the metric fuck ton of coursework that’s been dumped on you, and he drapes his arms over the back of your chair and asks if everything’s okay. You rant about the lecturers not replying to emails, how you can’t find the references you want, how Microsoft Word clearly hates your guts and resets your formatting with every other page. But you stop there, letting him think he’s solving all of your problems by answering some of your questions and showing you how to not be a computer illiterate imbecile.

Oh and the movies, let’s not forget the movies. You watch one together whenever you have some free time, and of course they’re all about romance. Again, it would have been so easy and not weird at all to ask about his love life, maybe share a few stories of your own. But you just… Don’t. Can’t. The words never make it past your thoughts, like they’re trapped by chains of nerves and doubt, telling you that he’ll freak out, that you’ll ruin your friendship, that it’s not worth it. But he’s Karkat, and he knows that you’re still hiding something from him. He keeps his word not to prise it out of you, but every now and then you see him watching you out of the corner of his eye, biting his lip and frowning like if he looks away you’re going to disappear. You really wish you would.

Assignments keep you busy enough to hold your thoughts at bay, with most of the deadlines being early December at best. Normally you wouldn’t even start them until November, but they’re the only other thing you’ve got to worry about so you get a head start. You’ve pumped out one essay draft in a week, and another is half done. You’re tired and bored, but you keep going, working every moment you get spare even if it’s just reading papers, keeping busy. You stay up late at night, with the screen brightness turned all the way down and your fingers slowly prodding the keyboard, typing as quietly as possible so that you don’t wake up Karkat.

Parties happen at the houses next door, but you turn the invites down, making excuses about having work or being tired or just not being in the mood, which is as close to the truth as you’ll ever get. Karkat goes to a few, usually coming back past midnight just to flop in his bed and sleep in his clothes. He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t bring people home, and he doesn’t stay in anyone else’s room. You’re glad. It gives you hope. Hope that you’ve got a chance because he comes home to you every night, as desperate and stupid as that sounds – he lives with you because he has to – but you still like to think that feels at least a little bit the same.

Then on Saturday, after spending the day at the college library, you are greeted by screaming upon returning to the dorm, and when you open the front door, Cronus tumbles out of it onto his ass.

“Babe, come on it vwas just a misunderstandin’.” He says, scrabbling backwards and holding his hands up as if he’s at gun point.

“I’m not your _babe_ , dickwad,” Karkat growls, “and neither is Kankri, so you’d better keep your disgusting paws _far away_ from _both_ of us, or so help me I will tear them off and shove them up your fucking ass until you can brush your teeth from the inside.”

Before Cronus can say anything else, a helmet flies through the doorway and hits him square in the crotch. You can see him trying really hard not to look in pain, but the way his legs are shaking tells you that he’s probably biting his tongue hard enough to make it bleed.

“Oh and in case it wasn’t perfectly fucking crystal clear,” Karkat continues, striding out into full view on the porch so that he can snarl right in his ex’s face, “we are _over_.”

He turns on his heels and marches back inside, slamming the door with such force that the handle is whipped out of your hand before you can even think about holding onto it. Cronus whines and pulls himself to his feet, glaring at you before picking up the helmet and walking shakily back to his dorm. You watch him for a moment, then have another go at actually entering yours. The door creaks when you open it, and you think Karkat might have actually broken one of the hinges. You’re strangely impressed by that, and his outstanding show of kicking your douchenozzle brother to the curb. Cronus deserved to get put in his place for once. You might text him later though, just to check that Karkat didn’t do any lasting damage.

Kankri is standing awkwardly in the kitchen when you venture further inside, a drink of water in his hands, the liquid inside making little ripples as he trembles. You guess Karkat was right about him not being one for physical contact. Then he starts to speak, and you realise that he’s not scared or traumatised, he’s _angry_.

“Karkat is upstairs if you wish to speak with him, but I suggest that you do not take anything he says seriously, he is merely lashing out.” The sharpness in his voice has softened by the time he finishes, and he sighs as if he’s carrying both his and his brothers’ burdens on his shoulders.

You nod and head up to your room, unsurprised to find that Karkat has locked it from the inside.

“Kar?” You knock, “Kar it’s me.”

“Go _away_!”

“Kar please –”

“No!”

You sigh and kneel down by the lock, “Just let me in, please, I won’t talk to you or anythin’, I promise.”

There’s no reply this time, not a single sound.

You give him a minute, then try again, “Kar?”

“You’ve got a _key_ , fucking _use it_.” He snaps.

Well it’s not what you wanted, but at least he’s letting you in. He’s sitting on his bed glaring at the blank wall, and doesn’t move even when you close the door behind you and take a very cautious seat on his bed. You’d prepared yourself for floods of tears, but he doesn’t look sad about it at all.

“Kar, are you alright?”

He finally stops trying to burn a hole through the wall and looks at you. There’s no reply though, so you swallow and then keep on talking.

“I know what Cro’s like, so I don’t blame you for ditchin’ him like that, an’ you don’t have to tell me what he did,” You move a little closer, “just know that I’m on your side.”

“But he’s your brother.” He mutters.

“An’ you’re my _best friend_ ,” You knock your shoulders together lightly, “if anythin’ I think that means more.”

He doesn’t smile, but the way the hardness in his face drops shows his relief all the same. He fidgets until he has the right angle to lean his head against your arm, the backs of your hands brushing together. Every inch of contact sends a ripple of shivers over your skin, and you barely stop yourself from grabbing his hand and pulling him close to you. He doesn’t though. Once he realises that you’re not going to move just because he touched you, he starts to try and find the moment when you _will_ move – spoilers, you’re never going to move. Not with him so close and so warm, and the way he nuzzles at your sleeve as he slips his hand into yours.

Your brain is flitting between ‘ _he just broke up with my brother I shouldn’t be doing this I’m just a rebound_ ’ and ‘ _oh my God he’s so cute and here and I want to make him happy and smother him with affection because he damn well deserves it_ ’ with neither side giving an inch.

“You can push me off if this is awkward.” Karkat says quietly.

“No.” You blurt out instinctively.

“No?”

“Yes, no.” You say firmly, stroking your thumb over the back of his hand.

He makes a short ‘hmph’ through his nose, “Okay.”

You’re glad he can’t see you grinning like an idiot. Fuck, hopefully he doesn’t notice the way that your pants are getting a little too tight either. You are literally the worst, he just needs someone to comfort him and here you are getting turned on by a little hand-holding. Seriously, what are you, ten?

Then something’s ringing and all of Karkat’s warmth is gone as he answers his phone.

“Hi Terezi.”

Terezi? You thought he wasn’t talking to her anymore.

“Yeah, yeah I can do that.” He sighs. “Sure, fine, see you then.”

“Where are you goin’?” You ask, trying not to sound like a needy brat when Karkat begins putting on his shoes.

He focusses very intently on tying his laces whilst answering, “I’m meeting up with Terezi and Dave, we’re going to try and talk shit through, or something.” He rubs his eyes, sounding as if he’s going to a funeral, “It’ll probably be fucking horrendous with the mood I’m in, but it needs to get done so whatever.”

“Want some moral support?” You offer, hoping he’ll say no because watching him bend over to pick up his bag has not helped your pants situation in the slightest.

To your relief, he shakes his head, “No it’s fine, thanks for offering.” and then trudges out of the room.

You hold your breath as he walks down the stairs, waiting a good few minutes after he’s shut the front door before you dart to the bathroom and lock the door.

You shouldn’t really be doing this, but Karkat’s out and if he comes back needing more cuddles, then this is the only way you’re going to keep your dignity through it. Or maybe it’ll make things worse, but by the time you’ve contemplated that thought, you’re already sitting in the shower with your clothes in a neat pile on the counter. You turn on the water and take a deep breath, and you don’t even have to think about Karkat – or anyone else for that matter – because after just one squeeze and a few light touches, you’re shaking from head to toe and there’s pearlescent violet swirling down the drain.

You let out a breath and lean back against the pleasantly cold wall, eyes closed and a relaxed smile on your face. Okay, fuck, that feels better. It was probably just some left-over horniness from your heat cycle, yeah, that’s it, and now it’s all taken care of. You wait until you can stand without the threat of slipping over and breaking something, then actually use the shower for its intended purpose, making sure to banish any hint of purple afterwards. By the time Karkat comes home, you’re lying on your bed reading a book and not worrying about school work for the first time in days.

“How did it go?” You ask him, putting down your novel so that he can have your undivided – and you really mean it this time – attention.

He shrugs and makes a not-quite-happy-not-quite-annoyed face, “Okay I guess? We’re talking now at least, and they weren’t actually two-timing me, they just happened to get together literally the day after Dave and I broke up.” He seems almost ashamed of himself for assuming that about them, sinking down onto his bed like a deflating beach ball and hiding his face.

“That’s good then?”

He lifts his head out of the pillow and nods.

“Wanna talk about it?”

A shake this time, curls of hair springing around his cheeks, “What about you?”

You cock your head, “What _about_ me?”

“Are you going to tell me why you’re being a sad sack of shit yet?”

“I’m not a sad sack a shit.” You say, probably contradicting this statement with the ensuing pout.

“Oh right sorry, I meant a stressed-out sack of making his friends worry about him.”

You look at your hands as they fiddle with the edge of the duvet. Karkat obviously isn’t going to drop this, and he’s too perceptive for you to lie for much longer. You steel yourself and open your mouth, hesitating to prepare the words before you let them out.

“Okay, so I know that this is probably the worst time to be sayin’ this, but there’s somethin’ that I need to talk to you about, somethin’ kinda… Personal.”

“Yeah, I gathered that from the way you’ve been keeping it to yourself like it’s the crown jewels.” He sits up and pats the space next to him. “Now come here and tell me what’s been festering in your poor tired brain for the last week.”

You nod and switch beds, staring several sentences but then cutting out after the first syllable or two. Karkat is patient though, and he waits quietly for you to find the right phrasing.

“H-how did you know that you liked guys?”

You don’t look directly at his face whilst you speak, but you can tell that he’s taken aback by the pause that stretches out before his reply.

“Oh, um, okay,” He begins oh so eloquently, “well, I didn’t necessarily ‘know’ until I was like thirteen, before that I just thought there was something wrong with me or that it was a phase, like maybe I was too young to know what real attraction felt like or something.” He frowns, obviously struggling with explaining himself, “I dated Terezi for a while, at that age where having a girlfriend meant holding hands and sharing your lunches, but I didn’t feel the way I should have, and I wasn’t even sad when we just drifted back to being friends. Then when we started hanging around with Dave, I got jealous and I thought ‘oh maybe this is what it feels like?’, but it wasn’t Dave that I was jealous of.”

He was thirteen when he knew? But you were still talking to him then, why didn’t he tell you? Although, you didn’t even know if CG was a boy or a girl until meeting Karkat in person, so it probably wasn’t relevant at the time.

“But I didn’t say anything,” He continues, voice flowing more freely as he settles into the narrative, “I was in junior high by then so I’d learnt that liking guys was weird, or it felt like that anyway, with everything so focussed on ‘boy meets girl’ sort of stuff. Then Sollux noticed that something was wrong and he made me tell him.”

“You knew Sol that long ago?”

“Remember TA?”

“The Asian kid you’ve known since pre-school?”

CG had always used two-letter nicknames for his friends, and you were slowly beginning to piece together who they were; GC was Terezi, TG was Dave, John was GT. You think mister carcinoGeneticist was a fan of DNA structure. Pretty smart for a primary school kid.

He smirks, “Yeah, anyway after I told him I expected him to tease me, but he just hugged me and said that it’s okay, then he asked me if I wanted to test it.”

“ _Test it_?”

You know that Sollux is a weirdo, but to just casually ask someone if they want to ‘test’ their sexuality? Definitely not the type of guy you pegged him as.

“With a _kiss_ , you gutter-brained asshole!” Karkat says, pulling the blanket hard enough to throw you off-balance, “He said that he thought he liked guys _and_ girls, so he suggested that we kiss and give ourselves a comparison, since we’d both kissed girls already.”

“An’ what happened?” You didn’t mean to interrupt him, but you’re getting overwhelmed by all of this new information and you wish he’d just get to the point already.

“I – _we_ – liked it,” He says, blushing a light pink, “it never turned into a relationship or anything, but in terms of the actual kissing, it was a kind of definite answer for both of us.”

“So, Sol is bi?”

“Yep, if you knew him as well as I do then him wanting both wouldn’t be as big of a shocker as you might think.”

You nod and bite your lip, wondering if maybe you should ask Sollux now because he’s clearly going to have the most expertise on the situation. No, that’s a dumb idea, he would definitely make it the worst thing you’ve ever been through, maybe even worse than if you asked Cronus.

“So,” Karkat says, drawing your attention back to him, “are you going to tell me what this is all about?”

You feel your entire face turning violet, but you’ve gone too far to wimp out now.

“I think… I think I might be like that… Like Sol an’ Cro I mean.” You say in a small voice, surprised at the relief of finally admitting it out loud.

“You mean you think you're bisexual?” Karkat asks with an unfair amount of composure. You guess he’s used to talking about this sort of thing.

“Y-yeah.”

He leans ever so slightly closer, “Want to test it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having Karkat kick Cronus to the curb is one of my favourite things that I've written now. I don't even dislike him as a character, but I think I have an addiction to sad Amporas :3c


	11. Don't you dare say you're sorry

“W-wwuh, u-um, uh –” Is all you manage to stutter out, your brain abandoning you completely in light of Karkat’s offer.

“Joking!” Karkat says, laughing nervously and leaning back as far as he can, “Totally joking, I mean fuck that’d be weird if I was serious right?”

“Uh.” Nope, still no words.

“Um.” Apparently it’s contagious. “A-anyway, I’m gonna go uh, apologise to Kankri, I kinda went off at him earlier, and um, yeah I should say something.”

He doesn’t make eye contact with you, but with the speed that he leaves the room you don’t think he would have been able to anyway. Still waiting for your – stupid, lousy, waste of skull space – brain to catch up, you’re left sitting on his bed with your mouth half-open and your stomach doing so many summersaults that it should be going for gold at the Olympics. Then when the gears finally creak back into motion, you realise just how much you really wanted Karkat to be serious about his offer, and how embarrassed he probably is because you scared him off by reacting like a nervous school girl.

God fucking dammit you are an impeccable specimen of an idiotic human being, when you finally die of humiliation you should be stuffed and put in the Natural History Museum. You can see it now; ‘ _Hey kids, this is what it looks like when you’re too dumb to get a boyfriend even though the guy you have a crush on keeps throwing himself at you. God, wouldn’t you just be miserable if you were like this? I know I would be_.’ You’d be a national fucking treasure.

What was wrong with just saying “sure!” and then snogging Karkat’s face off like you’ve been wanting to do for the past week and a half? Or y’know maybe just a peck, don’t want to rush things. Not that it matters anymore because any sort of ‘thing’ you two had has come to a grinding halt.

But – ah, you’ve finally found a reason to smile – he’s single now. Once the aftereffects of whatever just happened wears off, you’ve totally got a shot with him. You’ve just got to keep doing whatever you’re doing you guess. Except maybe less of the stuttering. Yes, full words will be required to seduce your roommate.

***

You’re not really sure what you were thinking when you said ‘seduce’, but you definitely hadn’t envisioned having to literally hunt Karkat down just to see him outside of classes. You’re not sure if he coincidentally got a bunch of work all of a sudden, or if he’s deliberately trying to avoid you, but whatever the reason, he apparently lives in the back of the library now. Well, when he’s not being a ‘fun-vampire’ at parties – Sollux’s words, not yours. You even went so far as to ask the lisping prick if he knew what was wrong, but as expected all you got in return was a grumpy “Athk him yourthelf, _God_ , do I look like hith keeper?” and a roll of his mismatched eyes.

Karkat talks to you whenever you do actually manage to spend some time together though, and as he gossips about everyone’s relationships or recommends movies to you, it almost feels as if nothing’s changed. Or it would do, if he didn’t sit at least a foot away from you at all times. ‘ _Maybe he’s just trying to tell you he’s not interested_ ’ you tell yourself, to the point where you actually make it convincing enough to stop trying sway him otherwise.

Then you come back from your lectures the next Friday just in time to hear him yell, “But I do want to stay with him!” And you think that maybe you’ve got a smidgen of hope left. As long as he’s talking about you that is.

Naturally, the living room is like a noise vacuum when you walk into it, and you have to try very hard to act like you didn’t hear Karkat’s outburst. Kanaya ‘acts natural’ flawlessly as always, casually flipping the pages on her fashion magazine as she greets you with a delicate smile.

“Good afternoon Eridan.”

“Afternoon Kan, hi Kar.”

“Hey.” He says, staying curled up in his corner of the couch when you sit down.

Well this is already uncomfortable. Oh, wait, you’ve still got that movie you rented from the library – you were going to suggest watching it with Karkat, but you forgot about it after last week. It’ll cost you another day’s worth of late fines, but there’s already like five dollars owed on your account so it won’t matter.

“Are you doin’ anythin’ later Kar?”

“No, why?”

You take the DVD out of your bag and pass it to him, “I was thinkin’ that we could watch this together, or maybe somethin’ else if you’ve seen it already.”

He turns the box over in his hands, then gives an approving nod, “Yeah, I remember wanting to see this one but I never got around to it, the summer is the worst fucking time to go to the movies, too many teenage girls.”

“Yeah, they kinda ruin the moment.” You agree, admiring the way that he subjects the blurb – is it called a blurb if it’s a film? – to scrutiny that would put border control to shame. “Want to watch it now or wait until after dinner?”

He tilts his head, “Let’s watch it now, I’m sure Kankri can deal with having two empty chairs at the table, right Kanaya?”

“I am formulating an excuse for you as we speak,” She replies, “but you will owe me for this.”

“Yeah, yeah, add it to my tab.” Karkat says, heading off to your room with the DVD.

He makes up his usual pile of anything soft and slots the disc into his laptop. You don’t have anything for snacks this time, but that just means that there isn’t a bowl to get in the way when you make your move. What move though, you haven’t decided yet. The stretch-to-arm-around-shoulders is classic, and so is the shy hand-grab, but they seem too cheesy for your hopeless romantic of a crush. But what else is there? Oh God, they’ve just done both of those things in the movie within the space of like twenty minutes. Wait, you could use this to your advantage – pretend to be taking the piss out of the movie, whilst also giving Karkat the hint that he doesn’t have to keep you at arm’s length.

You give an exaggerated yawn and stretch your arms up, watching Karkat out of the corner of your eye when you let one come to rest across his shoulders. He glances at your hand on his arm, then up at you with a raised eyebrow. You keep a straight face as best as you can, and give him a wink just like the guy in the film. He snorts in an attempt to stop himself from laughing, but ends up giggling anyway. You grin and pull him closer, then when he composes himself and looks into your eyes, you forget every clever plan you’d been thinking of and plant one on him right then and there.

He squeaks and you pull away after a couple of seconds, because even though the way his lips felt electric was possibly the highlight of your year, that was totally the wrong way to go about it and he’s going to freak out any moment now. Except… He doesn’t. He just sits there and blinks at you, like he’s stunned or something.

“Kar, I –”

He cuts you off with his fists in your shirt and his mouth against your own. It feels like someone tazered your insides and set fire to your outsides, and it lasts all of seven seconds before he pulls back, just enough to speak.

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry.” He whispers.

With your brain still in a state of ‘ _ohmygodohmygodfuckhesfuckingsexyohmygodohmygod’_ you give up on speaking entirely and chase him for another kiss. He loops his arms around your neck and you lock yours around his waist, getting as much body contact as you can whilst sitting on the floor. His lips are warm and a little rough where he bites them all the time – yours are probably the same – but everything becomes softer as you start to open your mouths. Neither of you are novices when it comes to spit-swapping, but there’s still some teeth clacking and nose bumping before you get the rhythm right. Karkat’s little gasps and chirps – yes fucking chirps, that is the only way you can describe those adorable sounds – are cute enough to make up for it though. Oh and _wow_ he’s good with his tongue. You bet he’s one of those people who can tie a cherry stem into a knot with his mouth, that’s a real thing right?

You’re honestly not sure exactly how long you spend making out in the dark on the floor of your room, but when you finally make the mutual decision to break for air, the movie’s title screen is back up and prompting you to play it again. It’s as if it _knows_ you weren’t watching. There’s no sound though, did Karkat mute his laptop at some point? The fucking sneaky genius. Karkat clears his throat and wipes a sleeve over his mouth. Ew, okay, you do that too – as fantastic as snogging him for that long was, it did make one of those gross spit trail things.

“So um, things cleared up for you now?” He asks, a slight pant lingering in his breath.

You smile, reclining into the cushions behind with a sigh, “Yeah.”

He crawls into your lap, holding his body just shy of yours and looking very pleased with himself, “And?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual, an’ I definitely fancy the fuckin’ pants off a you.”

He chuckles – probably at your very British vocabulary – then presses his forehead against yours, “I fancy you too.”

Now it’s your turn to laugh because that sounded hilarious in his accent, and you totally deserved the way he proceeded to tickle you until you screamed. He slaps a hand over your mouth, trying to get ‘shhh’ sounds out between his own giggles because, whoops, it’s like 11pm and Kankri will probably have something to say about that tomorrow.

He won’t let you get to the sink without a payment of at least six kisses, then steals a seventh when he leans past you to grab his toothbrush. You still change in separate rooms though – you’re nowhere near that serious yet – and when you come out of the bathroom, he’s curled up in your bed with this ‘come hither’ look in his eyes. You take your glasses off and crawl in beside him - awkwardly because it's a single - and there’s a bit of fidgeting until you both find a comfortable position. Which in Karkat’s case means as close to you as physically possible, with one leg hooked over your thighs and his arms firmly around your chest, no matter how much you warn him that one of them is definitely going to go numb.

“This is the first time I’ve shared a bed with anyone.” You tell him, running a hand through his unexpectedly soft hair.

He sighs and wriggles closer, “That’s weird.”

“You’re so mean Kar.”

“Hey, I didn’t say bad,” He pecks his lips to your jaw, “and I’m glad it’s with me.”

You kiss his head, “Yeah, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a few hours late, but have a sloppy makeout for valentines day <3


	12. Peppermint Frenching

When you first wake up, you’re confused by the fuzzy mass of black and tan on the other half of your pillow. Then you blink a few times and the face of your roommate almost comes into focus.

“Morning.” He says, and it’s like a scene from a movie when a bird starts chirping outside just as he gives you an adorable little smile.

A thrill bolts through your chest, throwing your heart completely out of rhythm. Oh yeah. Oh _hell_ yeah. You grin at the memory of what happened last night, reaching over Karkat to grab your glasses so that you can admire his unruly hair and sleepy gaze. He’s so beautiful, even when he’s not trying to be. He’d probably yell at you for saying that.

You resist the urge to shower him with compliments, and instead rest your head back on the pillow with a simple, “Mornin’.”

Karkat puts a hand on your cheek and then snuggles up to your chest, his red-blooded warmth doing more for you on this chilly October morning than a dozen hot water bottles ever could. You’re not caste-ist – as much as your grandfather still believes in the ‘old ways’ that you’re sure he barely remembers – but you have always favoured the warmer members of your species, even if there are only a few degrees of difference between you.

“It’s Saturday right?” He mumbles into your shirt.

“Yeah, no classes or anythin’.” You reply whilst playing with his hair. Mmm, still so soft and poofy.

“Good.” He says, barely stifling a yawn.

“Why?” You ask, running your fingers up and down his arm, “Have somethin’ else in mind?”

He snorts, then pulls back to look at you, “You’re _awful_ Ampora.” He’s trying to be serious, but a laugh breaks through before he even finishes his sentence.

Awful? You? That’s preposterous, you have simply no idea what he means.

“So you don’t want me doin’ this?” You say, rolling him onto his back and catching the mischievous glint in his eyes as you lean over him, “Or, this?” You move closer and plant a kiss on his neck, revelling in the way he tries so hard not to wriggle and moan, “Or maybe, this?” You whisper against his skin, trailing more kisses up to the side of his mouth.

“Mhm, Eridan,” He puts two fingers to your lips and turns his head away, “not yet, let me get presentable first.”

Well that’s not what you were expecting, “Presentable?”

“Yeah, like clean my face, brush my teeth… use half a bottle of mouthwash.” He mutters the last part particularly quietly, keeping his lips as close together as possible.

Mouthwash? Is he seriously worrying about having morning breath when you spent most of last night with your tongue in his mouth?

You shake your head, “Kar I don’t care about any a that, do you think I’d be tryin’ to seduce you first thing in the mornin’ if I did?”

“Yes and I appreciate, um, _this_ ,” He says, glancing down at where you’re hovering above his hips, “but I _do_ care, so please?”

His little frown pleads and tugs at your heartstrings, until you have no choice but to sit up and let him go, “You do realise you’ve just given me permission to spend an hour doin’ my hair right?”

“I don’t think so,” He taps your nose and smirks, “I didn’t say anything about hair so you’re not allowed to touch a single strand of it; your bed-head is too sexy to fuck up with all that nasty product.”

You blush and instinctively go to push the loose waves back off your face, but stop your hand just in time.

“I’m joking,” He says, running his warm fingers through your blond streak, “do whatever makes you feel comfortable, even if that means having a shit ton of gel on your head.”

You smile, “Guess I could make an exception for you.”

“Oh wow I feel so honoured.” He bends down and kisses your cheek lightly, then scurries off to the bathroom.

Honestly, he doesn’t look that different when he comes out, but when you walk past him to take your turn, you get a strong whiff of mint. Wow, he really did use mouthwash, and you thought _you_ were the one who was always self-conscious about what others think of them. Karkat always struck you as the ‘ _doesn’t care_ ’ type of guy – partly because he’s kind of lazy but then again you are too, so – just in the way he acted, the way he spoke; even as CG. You guess he’s hiding more than you thought. Time to show him that he’s got nothing to be ashamed of around you. But you’re not going to argue with the opportunity to do a little personal grooming. You don’t touch your hair though – hey, Karkat called it _sexy_ , you can put up with hair in your eyes if that’s what you get in return.

“I really wasn’t serious about the hair.” He says when you sit back down on your bed.

You shrug, “I dunno, I kinda like the natural look.”

He folds his arms, “You just like it because _I_ like it.”

“An’ what’s wrong with that?” You bump your noses together, slipping your hands around his waist.

He chooses to reply by not actually replying at all, instead robbing both of you of your ability to speak by pressing your mouths together and tangling his hands in your apparently sexy hair. You free a hand to lift his legs up and lower his back onto the mattress, picking up where you left off by assaulting his neck with kisses. Just this has him ‘mmh’-ing between his panted breaths, and when you start sucking lightly as you pull away – not enough to leave a mark mind you – he straight up moans, tugging on your hair to direct you upwards.

“Less teasing, more frenching.” He demands against your lips, filling your nose with the sweet scent of peppermint.

For a moment you’re not sure what he means, so you just kiss him, then he opens his mouth a little to let his tongue dart out and you mentally curse yourself for being so stupid. Really though, who calls it frenching? It’s not entirely your fault that you got confused. Your mouth is still tingling from the toothpaste, and when Karkat sucks on your tongue and slides his own along it, the sensation makes you shiver in all the right ways. He lets out one of his little chirps and you return it, forfeiting some of your balance to put your hand on the exposed skin at his side, pushing his shirt up further as he arches towards you. He’s lovely and curvy just like you imagined, his stomach soft under your hand, ribs practically hidden unless you feel for them.

Then his breathing stutters, and he stops moving for just a second, shaky and unsure when he resumes. Not wanting to interrupt and make him feel more uncomfortable, you silently pull his shirt back down and place your hand gently where it was, _over_ the fabric this time. He hesitates again, but then he’s back to exploring your mouth like there’s gold and riches hidden in there, sighing in what you’re sure is appreciation. Okay, no feeling him up under his clothes, you can do that. You’re not sure why because he’s _gorgeous_ , but you can respect his boundaries. You need that other hand to keep yourself up anyway, especially when he rolls his hips against your thigh and whines like that. God, _fuck_ , oh _God_. He lifts his leg right up between yours until you can feel the pleasure running through the nerves in your feet, and you can’t hold back a moan as your toes curl around the bedsheets.

And that little fucker is _smiling_. You can feel it in the way he kisses you, all smug and proud of himself, like turning you on with a knee in your crotch is somehow impressive. Then just as you decide that you don’t care if he’s smug, because you need him to never stop doing what he’s doing, he does stop, flopping back limply against the bed and leaving you kneeling above him as a quivering wreck. He looks up at you, flushed red to his ears and chest heaving with each breath. He is smiling, but it’s more just… Satisfied, happy, like he could do this forever and never get bored of being with you. Then you realise that you’re wearing the same expression on your own violet face, and that’s when it hits you.

You love him.

You’ve known him in person for just over a month and been more than friends for less than a day, but you’ve already given your heart to him entirely, during all those late night chats with carcinoGeneticist, when Karkat Vantas held your hand and it was like he belonged there, and the most brilliant part is that you’ve never felt more complete in your entire life. You want to tell him, to whisper it in his ear and scream it from the rooftop. But you know from previous experience that it is _way_ too early to use the L-word. Like, a few months too early. So you settle for a post-make-out cuddle, holding him so close that maybe he’ll hear your thoughts right through your beating heart. But of course, he doesn’t, because mindreading has never been, nor will ever be, a thing, because it’s like magic and magic is fake. It never hurts to try though. And hope, because hope is what got you here in the first place; curled up in a dorm room in America with your best friend in your arms and the taste of his toothpaste on your tongue.

But this is your life after all, so your moment of bliss is eventually ruined by Kankri fucking Vantas giving you a not so gentle reminder of what time it is. Karkat tries to tell him to fuck off without actually using either of those words, but Kankri is nothing if not persistent, and only leaves when you promise to make an appearance when Aranea serves everyone lunch.

You turn up late, but whilst Kankri rants about being prompt and “You were only upstairs for goodness sakes, how long does it take you to simply make yourself decent and walk down a flight of stairs? Aranea put a lot of work in to give you a decent meal and I am certain you missed breakfast, so it would be detrimental not only to her emotional wellbeing but also your physical health if you were to avoid this” Aranea just shushes him and winks at you when she gives you your plates.

You quickly glance at Karkat to see if you left any accidental hickeys, judging by the look he gives you that he’s thinking the same thing. Thankfully you didn’t, so either women’s intuition is real, or you’re worrying over nothing. Probably the latter; your mum always said you were a worrywart. Oh God, your parents, how on Earth are you going to tell _them_ about all of this? Dad is away at work so he won’t be able to skype with you – not that he does so regularly anyway, but still – and this isn’t the sort of news you want to give over a text or phone call. Maybe you’ll start with your Mum. Yeah, probably the safer option. Better talk to Karkat about it first though, just to make sure he’s okay with you telling her everything.

She’s going to be absolutely _thrilled_ to have another bisexual son – and you’re not even being sarcastic about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another chapter dedicated to teh smoochy times. I'm sorry, I just enjoy these dorks too much and peppermint is freaking delicious. It feels weird for those two things to be related.
> 
> Anyway, next time we get to meet momma Ampora which is going to be fun(?) so I hope you enjoyed this and look forwards to that!


	13. The B-Word

You sit in front of your laptop, staring at the white seahorses on your wallpaper as you try to work up the courage to actually call your mother. Karkat gave you the go-ahead to tell her everything earlier, but you still don’t know just _how_ you’re going to do it. Then the door opens and Karkat walks through, having returned from meeting up with Nepeta for some art-drama collaboration or some shit. He takes one look at your face and rolls his eyes.

“You haven’t fucking done it yet have you?” He sighs.

You shake your head, closing the laptop and pulling the sleeves of your PJ’s over your hands. Karkat puts your computer under the bed and then snuggles up next to you.

“What’s the problem?”

You shrug, “Jus’ nervous I guess, not ‘cause I don’t want to do it, but it’s a lot a big things to tell her.”

Karkat takes your hand, running his fingers your hair as you look at him, “How about you try again tomorrow?”

You nod and touch your forehead to his. He pushes back slightly, waiting for a moment before pressing a gentle kiss to your lips.

“Now get to sleep,” He says, “you look like shit.”

You pull away and frown at him, “Wow, _thanks_.”

“Relationships are all about honesty.” He says, standing up to retrieve his pyjamas from the closet.

You scoff, but you’re too busy watching him to formulate a proper retort. You wonder if he knows how good his ass looks in those jeans – or how badly you want to grab a handful of said ass and get him out of said jeans. Then he disappears into the bathroom and you set about making the bed look half decent, like one of those fish that makes a nest to attract the lady fish. Not that you need to impress Karkat, but a little buttering up can’t hurt. Oh God that gave you so many dirty thoughts – bad brain, not when you’re going to be sleeping and sharing a bed with someone.

Wait, he said relationship, does that mean he’s your boyfriend? Or is it too soon for a label? Probably too soon. It doesn’t feel like you had your first kiss less than twenty-four hours ago, and when Karkat slides under the duvet beside you, it’s as if things have been this way forever. You still get that flutter in your chest when he shuffles closer to kiss you good night though, resuming his previous sleeping position of clinging to you like a monkey. You love having him wrapped around you like this; his cute, round face buried in your shirt and giving you ample opportunity to hug him back if you turn over a little. But unlike last night, he can’t seem to get comfortable, fidgeting and huffing until he eventually moves away altogether and rolls onto his back.

“Everythin’ alright?” You ask, heartbeat doubling in speed because oh shit this was probably your fault like always.

“Yeah, I just,” He sighs, “would you mind if we spooned instead?”

“Oh,” You try not to look too relieved, “like one of us huggin’ the other from behind?”

He nods, “It’s just something I want to do with you, it’s stupid I know…”

“It’s not stupid,” You put an arm over his waist, “so which way do you wanna do this?”

He smiles a little, the turns over to face away from you, moving closer until his back is pressed flush against your chest, “This alright?”

“Yeah,” You reassure him, “it’s better than alright.”

“We can switch it up sometimes if you want.” He offers as you rest your hand on his chest.

“Sure,” You say, kissing behind his ear because you can do that now and that’s another up vote for being the big spoon, “whatever you want.”

He yawns and shuffles back even further, like he’s trying to make his spine become one with your ribcage. It also has the side-effect of him wiggling his hips, and you’re so glad you took care of that one thing whilst he was out earlier, or your dignity would be on a one way trip down into the depths of the sewers. You give in to the contagious yawn and close your eyes. It probably would have been too late to call your Mum anyway, plus Angelica’s bed time is like 7pm and she’d get upset if she found out that Mum had talked to you without her. You wonder what she’ll think of Karkat, or if she’ll even understand; she is only seven after all, and you doubt Cro has been telling her about his train wreck of a love life.

Oh yeah, that’s one more person you’ll have to tell eventually. At least you’re not Karkat; he’s got to deal with telling Kankri. You’re not sure if you want to be with him when that happens or just leave them to it.

***

You groan when someone begins knocking incessantly on the door the next morning, holding Karkat against you tighter when he tries to squirm away.

“Jus’ fiwe more minutes.” You mumble, your childhood speech impediment making a break for the surface.

He mutters something incoherent as a reply and buries his face in the pillow. Then the knocking gets louder and he growls, sitting up to glare over his shoulder at the door.

“Karkat, are you awake yet? I know it’s a Sunday but I think 10am is a little late to be sleeping in, don’t you?” Of course it would be Kankri who stepped in to act as your alarm.

“ _Shit_.” Karkat hisses, prising your arms off of him and clambering over your bed to answer the door, “What, Kankri?”

His brother folds his arms, “You could have simply replied verbally without needing to wake your roommate up, all I wanted was confirmation that you were intending to do something other than lay around in bed all day and waste time that could be spent studying,” then he gives you a smile, “I apologise if we disturbed you Eridan, although now that you are also awake I think it would be a good idea for you to remain that way.”

“Well we’re up okay? So just fuck off and go do whatever you’re planning to do with your own valuable time, preferably something that doesn’t involve than bothering us.”

“Karkat that is incredibly rude –”

“Don’t care.” Karkat cuts him off, shutting the door before he can even begin to speak again.

You hear a series of angry splutters from the other side of the wood, then Kankri says, “If you skip breakfast again today I shall be informing Father.”

Karkat pulls a face but doesn’t say anything, waiting until after Kankri’s footsteps have died away before he speaks, “What’s his fucking deal? Honestly, he’s worse than my actual dad.”

You ‘hm’ in reply, the mention of parents a very unneeded reminder of what you’re planning to do today. You debate getting it over with now, but then you remember that your hair looks awful and you’re not dressed yet. So when Karkat heads to the bathroom, you throw on your clothes and then join him when he’s done.

“You’re still worrying about your Mom aren’t you?” He says when you go a full ten minutes without talking.

Although in your defence, you were doing your hair for most of that, and now you have a toothbrush in your mouth.

“Opf courshe I am, I don’f know what t’ shay to her.” Even when speaking so slowly that you manage to pace a complete circuit of the room, the words still come out all muffled and slurred.

Karkat chuckles and shakes his head, “Dude, just fucking tell her, you said she wasn’t mad about your brother so why would she be any different with you?”

You rinse your mouth out, then sigh, “She’s _not_ going to be any different, that’s the problem – I don’t want her making a big fuckin’ fuss and sending me pictures of other people’s gay weddins.”

Karkat snorts, “Holy shit, she does that?”

“She used to, an’ the only reason Cro escapes now is ‘cause he’s stopped tellin’ her who he’s datin’.”

He frowns, “You could always just, not tell her about me?”

“What? Kar no,” You sweep him into a hug and sit on the edge of the bath, “I’m not gonna lie about you.”

“It’s not lying; it’s just postponing the truth.” He says with a shrug.

“No.” You tell him firmly, stroking his hair as you press a kiss to his forehead.

He sighs and leans against your shoulder, “Want me to tell her with you?”

Your heart does a little flip. Meeting someone’s parents, that’s _boyfriend_ territory, not just roommates who make out and share a bed, but like actually in a relationship.

“You want to meet my Mum?”

“If you want me to.”

“Of course I do,” You reply a little too quickly, “just let me go and explain everythin’, then I can introduce you.”

Karkat gives you a kiss and stands up, letting you rush out of the room to take advantage of your sudden and probably fleeting bravery. You message your Mum to let her know that you’ll be calling – she uses an obscene amount of emojis to convey her excitement – then open your laptop and prepare to possibly embarrass yourself beyond all reason.

Waiting for Skype to load feels like an eternity. You blame the shit Wi-Fi on campus, but the fact that you’re making a call half way across the world probably isn’t helping. Then your Mother’s face pops up on screen.

“Hello sweetheart!” She coos, waving at the webcam.

You smile and wave back, “Hi Mum.”

The next half an hour is taken up by conversations that start with “how are you?”, “how’s college?”, “have you made any friends?” and then the inevitable “do you have a girlfriend yet?” accompanied by the suggestive wink face that you never want to see your Mum make _ever again_.

Karkat, who has been on his bed giggling behind his hand, lets out a particularly loud cackle at this point. You were going to throw something at him, but he ends up saving you from answering the girlfriend question by drawing your Mother’s attention.

“Oh, is that your roommate?” She asks, leaning forwards as if she’ll be able to change your webcam’s position just by moving.

“Yeah,” You lean out of the frame to grab Karkat’s sleeve and drag him into view, “Mum this is Karkat, Karkat this is my Mum.”

You’ve seen Karkat looking anxious before, but the sheer awkwardness of his little wave and the way he perches himself right on the edge of your mattress, cheeks tinted pink; it is absolutely fucking adorable.

“Hi Mrs Ampora.”

“Oh hello dear,” Your mother replies, as chipper as always, “I hope Eridan hasn’t been too annoying to live with, I know what he can be like.”

“ _Mother!_ ” You cover your face as both of them laugh.

She couldn’t wait five fucking minutes without trying to embarrass you could she? At least she didn't call Karkat out on calling her Mrs Ampora - the divorce may not be final yet, but she likes to make her separation from your father very well known. You should probably tell Karkat about that if she doesn't mention it.

“No, he’s been a great roommate actually.” Karkat says, shooting you a smile and a sideways glance. You could just kiss him right now.

Your mother claps her hands together, “Oh how wonderful, I was so hoping he would find someone to get along with.”

Then Karkat gives you a quizzical look, brushing his little finger against yours where the webcam can’t see.

You nod and put your hand over his, “Mum, actually, there’s something I want to tell you.”

Her eyebrows shoot up for a moment, then she goes all ‘serious mum’ on you, sitting up straight with her hands together on the desk, “Go ahead honey.”

As if by some weird maternal magic, every word you’d thought of in the last thirty seconds to possibly explain your situation vanishes. You immediately regret bringing this up. Shit. You don’t suppose there’s a chance you could play this off as something else? Like, “I aced that last test!” Or “I’ve decided I want a lip piercing” because you were kinda thinking about that last one when Karkat kissed you this morning, so it’s not a complete lie. Half-lies are okay right? To protect yourself from mortification at the hands of your parental unit?

“I uh, I’m, u-um.” You stutter, feeling that awful desire to just crawl into a hole.

God you haven’t even told her that you’re bi yet, you’re going about this all in the wrong order and it’s going to completely fuck up everything. Then Karkat squeezes your hand and you get this warm burst of courage in your chest.

You take a deep breath and say, “Karkat is my boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, it's been a while.
> 
> Sorry about that. I don't really have much to say about why - other fics got in the way, school got in the way, life got in the way, blah blah blah - but just know that this fic will definitely be finished, it might just take a little while. I'll try not to have as big of a gap between this update and the next one.
> 
> Also hope you guys didn't mind just having a feelsy discussion chapter, I had a plan for this but I forgot it (whoops!) so I'm trying to write it as best I can and get back into the feel of the story.

**Author's Note:**

> ((Dorm residents list in end notes of chapter 4))  
> ((Human/Troll biology in the end notes of chapter 7))
> 
> Thank you very much for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> So, how are you guys feeling about this?
> 
> Want to see more?
> 
> I now have a Tumblr! You can ask questions about this or any of my other fics and AUs, or just pop along to say hi! http://slavetomykeyboard.tumblr.com


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